Pigeon

Chapter 30

Fawns POV:
May...the month of may. It was soon to be summer, I was in the living room with Aspen. Both of us were bored out of our minds, Ell was on her way home. I had gotten more tired which worried them but it was from the beginning of a cold which I now have. I had a cough and was nonstop tired, Aspen got up and wet a rag to place on my forehead, "I'm okay Aspen"
"I don't want you to get too hot"
"Are you just scared my body won't fight off this cold"
"A little bit", they sat closer to me, "I'm scared you could stop breathing and I'd miss it"
"That's highly unlikely"
"Not highly"
"Okay well it's unlikely. I'll be okay", I reached up and touched their face to give them a warm smile. I didn't want them to worry so much about me, Aspen went and sat back down. This was how most of our days seemed to be, us laying on the couch out of boredom, "I'm hungry"
"Should we make soup?"
"Soup sounds good, although you sound better"
"Pigeon!", they flung a pillow at me. I just laughed and hid myself under my blanket, "chicken noodle soup sounds good"
"Fine Pidge. I'll make it"
"Aww is someone grumpy", they got up and I peeked at them to see them looming over me, "what? I didn't do anything"
"Mhm", they just shook their head and walked away into the kitchen. I continued laying on the couch, hearing the front door open, "hey I'm back! Oh Aspen what are you making"
"Chicken noodle soup as Fawn has requested"
"Sounds typical", she walked over to the living room and stretched out, "how's that cold treating you", she sounded chirpy as usual and not stressed, "could be better"
"Sounds like it, can we watch Harry Potter?"
"All the Harry Potter movies again?!", groans emitted from both Aspen and I. Yes my sister loved loved Harry Potter but we put up with it since she was rarely home. I was already drifting off when Aspen gave me a hot bowl of soup and set it on my pillow on my lap. It smelt delicious, Ell was already burning her tongue off it just wanting soup. Aspen sat down next to me and we all relaxed to watch the movies, my eyes were already drooling when I felt the pit in my stomach. I was gonna throw up, getting up I ran over to the bathroom and threw up all the contents I just had. Aspen came and held my hair back, rubbing my back soothingly, their arms felt warm against my cold skin, we both sat on the bathroom floor.
"I'm sorry Pigeon, I wish you could keep this food down"
"Aspen, I can't even keep my food down. For once I can't be positive about this, I'm already weakening"
"Pidge has there been other things going on? Be honest because you always seem to be so happy and painfree but this didn't just randomly appear"
"I've been really tired lately. It's been hard keeping my food down but I've been doing my best at keeping it down. It's the first day today that I didn't keep it down"
"Why didn't you tell me this?"
"Because, I just want to be healthy. I don't want to share the pain I feel with you"
"That's why I'm with you Pigeon. I want to share this with you",they grabbed my head to look at me but tears were already falling from my eyes, "aspen you don't understand", my voice unintentionally cracked, "I don't want to die. I want to grow old with you, I want to do everything with you. Buy our own house together, have as many bunnies together as I want but I can't have that", I wrapped my arms around their neck. Like a child hugging their parent, I just held them closely, this was the first time in a long time that I expressed the pain I felt. Aspen kept me in their tight hug not wanting to let me go, "I wish you would've told me sooner Fawn, I'm sorry I couldn't give you more years to be with me"
"I wish you could",we sat like that together for awhile. I couldn't stop crying for awhile, my sister would come check up on us but I could tell she already knew why I was hurting. My sister always knew and instead she let me and Aspen heal together, Aspen always knew what to do what to say, "aspen?"
"Yes?"
"How do you know how to comfort me. I mean you could've just looked it up but the way you hold me, the way you word things, I just don't understand", silence followed for a bit, they kept me in their arms but seemed to be trying to find words, "I had another sister, she was young about 6 when she was diagnosed with cancer. It was fast moving", aspens voice seemed to be breaking off more and more, "I'm so sorry Aspen"
"No no it's okay. She loved me a lot so I stayed by her side until she died. A part of me broke with it but the irony of it all is that I ended up falling in love with someone that has cancer. It's bittersweet, I love you so much but I can't keep you, just like her. I couldn't keep her. I miss her every day and I will miss you more"
"When I pass. Where will you and the bunnies go?"
"I'll drive them all the way to California. We can stay in California where you were your happiest, I'll protect the bunnies and eventually come back here. It's gonna be painful when you pass, I'm not prepared for it"
"I'm not either but I've lived a good life while it lasted Aspen. I am happy with all that I have done, I know I everyone will be safe by the time I pass. It's gonna be painful but please stay alive and take care of our bunnies, please"
"Is that your last wishes"
"Yes", that would be my last wishes. Our last heart to heart conversation before I was sent to the hospital and tubed...

"although we never said it to each other, i think we both knew."