Lone Werewolf Duology (bxb)

21. The Howl

Volya was increasingly aware of both things.

Puffing like he'd just ran a 100 yards sprint, probably red in the face too, Volya settled for pressing a key right in front of him at even intervals, in a metronome style.

"Middle C," Liam supplied helpfully.

Gradually, Volya's breathing calmed down. So did Liam's music. It subsided to a murmuring tune that wouldn't be out of place in a spa. The middle C's punctuated it in a meditative manner.

"The fundamentals are the same in every piece of music that is memorable," Liam said. "It sleeps in the heart, and when you really want to get it out, you will learn anything, do anything for it to sound just right."

This is not me, Volya thought sadly. Not me at all. I would rather listen.

But something that was him was building in his chest, growing from the open, seeded furrow left by Liam's game. He pushed to his feet abruptly, letting the stool screech on the hardwood and crossed to the window.

"Liam, you are wasting your time on me. We should say that I took interest in some other form of show-biz. Accounting maybe."

"Accounting."

"There is nothing wrong with accounting," Volya said defensively.

"Of course not." This was probably the first time ever when the word accounting caused a look so dejected in someone this beautiful.

"Your lesson is meant for Toshka," Volya explained, resisting the desire to hug Liam. "He's been so excited about every little thing he learns about music. Like, he found this girl, she teaches him to read music, and it's all he is talking about--"

"Music or the girl?"

"Music! That's what I'm trying to tell you. Toshka lives it, breathes, wants to hear about... Me, I don't—"

Liam pointed a finger at him, "Don't tell me that you don't care for music. A piece of it has to be in your heart. We'll find it. I'll just have to listen harder."

The rumbling in Volya's chest expanded, wanting to escape like the Alien being born from a human host.

Without fully realizing what he was doing, Volya arched his neck, tilted his head back... His mouth fell open removing all obstacles to a scream. And the scream erupted out, pure, soulful, and perfect.

No, not a scream.

A howl.

There was no other way to describe this sound. It filled the room, bouncing off the walls, shaking the window. It wasn't meant to stay indoors. The inhuman vocalizing went on and on, despite Volya's eye bulging in horror. Liam would think he was making fun of his singing, that was a given. Liam would hate him.

Once his throat stopped vibrating, Volya clapped a hand over his lips, bending double, signaling to Liam desperately with his other hand: Please, let me explain...

But explain what? A need to frigging howl? He gasped air greedily, refilling his chest, patting it nervously to make sure it wasn't going to blow out like bellows again to push out another howl, when Liam's soft voice broke the ringing silence.

"It seems," Liam said, "that you were wrong. The first session in the Mnemosyne had not been without a result."

"How?" Volya croaked. "How's that a result?"

"It loosened a bind somewhere that locks away your genetic memories. You're remembering how to be a wolf."

"I don't think this helps Anabelle."

Hope in Liam's eyes shone fierce. "The other memories will come, you'll see."

"I hope they're useful memories. What if my genetic baggage is full of crap, like this howling, yellow eyes and a dead language? What then, Liam?"

"Volya, no. You'll find it. I believe in you. I..." Liam licked his lips, but someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," Liam invited the intruder instead whatever it was that he had wanted to say. Volya almost howled again with disappointment.

The door opened, and Damir's shaven head popped in.

"Well, Volya, you know how to draw attention to your progress. You'll go far in academia," the man said with a wink.

"Whatever," Volya muttered. "That's all?"

"Nope. The boss wants you to read our latest PIE reconstructions to see if you can intuitively feel your way through it. Fill the gaps if you can."

Volya's stomach growled loudly in response.

Damir grinned. "It can wait until after lunch, of course."

"Gee, thanks."

"Then it's Marina's happy-happy-fun hour of English immersion."

"Okay." Volya slanted his eyes at Liam's phone. Actually, he didn't mind English lessons all that much any more. If anything, he'd increase them, if Marina didn't mind.

"This arrangement was negotiated before you rocked the house with your howling. I suggest you go eat as soon as possible," Damir said.

"Wait... what? Negotiated by who?"

Damir grinned. "Everyone. I have a sneaking suspicion your afternoon is about to be overbooked."

A quiet groan that escaped from Volya's mouth was a pale shadow of his howl, but still audible. Damir was right, at this rate his afternoon would be crazy long. Meaning that he wouldn't be able to catch up with Toshka on face-time because of the time difference.

"Why the long face?" Liam prodded cheerfully.

Volya chewed his lip, not wanting to bring Toshka up again, because it would sound like whining. They had bigger problems to worry about than his long-distance maybe-there love life. They were trying to break an ancient spell on a teenage girl turned into a centaur, for goodness sake!

Still, they couldn't expect him to just ditch his mate. A pang of nostalgia poked his heart. He wished he was with Toshka, watching his maniac excitement over the band's progress, even bracing for the burnout to follow, because that's when Toshka always needed him the most.

No way he could explain this to Liam and Damir without sounding like a deserter. Or to anyone else on the team, no matter how much Sangha begged him to throw his heart open to her. They were nice people, yeah, but they would never understand how he relied on Toshka's chaos as much as Toshka relied on his order. Toshka and him completed one another.

Tired of waiting for an answer, Liam clapped Volya on the shoulder. "I'll make sure you have snacks."

Oh, yeah. Snacks. That would make everything better.

Volya didn't even know if he wanted to eat, despite his gut clenching from the moment Damir had mentioned lunch. The weight of Liam's expectations, missing Toshka, howling... it all set his teeth on edge.

There was something else too in his heart, something tumultuous like the music, and his howl, and Toshka's laughter. Something more, something he couldn't or wouldn't put his finger on, but what his inner voice was mumbling about just outside his hearing.

He couldn't explain it, so he said, "Thanks, Liam. You're the best." And he said it in English.