Broken (Brown Eyed Boy book 2)

Dreaming (Carlos POV)

Emmett had made a comment while he was leaving about how hard it was going to be to get all the paint off, but I had just laughed it off. It wasn't until I was in the shower, under the hot water and scrubbing myself raw, that I realized how right he was. The paint that was still fresh came off fairly easy but the paint that had dried was a different story. It probably took me about a half hour and most of my soap or shampoo to get all the paint off. By the time I was done, I smelled like I drowned in an over scented river and managed to escape with somewhat tender skin.

            Some time during my shower, my mom had come in and took my clothes to wash them so when I got out there wasn't anything for me to avoid stepping on. I just pulled the door open, letting the lingering steam out as I walked into my room, pulling my shirt down over my head. I was pulling the hem down around my waist when I happened to look up and see Jessie through a crack in my door that my mom must have left when she was leaving my room. I froze for a few seconds, not sure of what to do, and then walked over to the door and opened it the rest of the way. “Hey,” I said awkwardly, not knowing how else to respond to seeing her there.

            “Hey,” she said back, smiling slightly. “Um, I was just about to knock.”

            “You were?” I heard the surprise clear enough in my voice and hated that it was there.

            “Yeah,” Jessie nodded. “I wanted to talk to you.”

            “Oh,” I said dumbly. Again, I just stared at her for a few seconds and then I shook my head of the fog that seemed to be inside of it. “Then, you can come in.” Jessie walked passed me and I closed the door behind her, keeping my back turned to her for a few seconds while I tried to calm myself. My mind was spinning with the hope that she would say she had her memory back, even though I knew it probably wouldn't happen, and I didn't want to keep getting my hopes up. I reminded myself that she wanted me to move on, but somehow that just made me feel exhausted. “What's up?” I asked, turning slowly to face her.

            “I...” she trailed off almost as soon as she started and I bit my lip, watching her close her eyes and breathe in nervously. It reminded me so much of the old Jessie, it was painful. “I wanted to apologize,” she continued as she opened her eyes to look at me. “For what I said last week to you.” My whole body went tense as I remembered our last conversation and I saw her eyes register it. “I was wrong to yell at you the way I did and I'm sorry. I was just upset about what Jared told me and the fact that you didn't tell me.”

            “But I told you why I didn't,” I said quietly, not wanting to revisit the conversation. It was bad enough the first time around; I didn't think I could handle it a second time.

            “You did,” she nodded. “And I get the reason why. But I was so upset at the time that I didn't let myself really think about it and understand it from your point of view. To be honest, I don't even think I was as hurt by what you were hiding as by the fact that you were hiding something.”

            “What do you mean?” I asked, feeling lost.

            “When I found out what it was that you were hiding,” she said. “I was upset for understandable reasons. But when I came here to confront you about it, I realized that I wasn't as upset by the secret as I was by that fact that you were the one hiding it from me. Carlos, you were the one person that I wanted to trust more than anyone, and when I found out you were hiding that from me, it hurt. It was like everything I thought I knew about you suddenly seemed like a lie. And I know it's an exaggerated response, but I didn't know what else to think. So I yelled at you about lying to me because I was upset you would keep something from me and I didn't even think about how you must have felt. I didn't think about what you were going through in having to see me everyday and accepting the fact that you were pretty much a stranger to me and I didn't think about what you went through in trying to help me remember. And even more, I didn't think of how much it must have hurt you to keep something from me, even when you were doing it in an attempt to keep me happy. All I could see was my own pain and then I took it out on you and I'm sorry.”