Red vs Blue x Male OC / Season 4

S4 • E19 - Two For One

Lopez: "Hablo en serio. Deséo morir." [I mean it, I want to die.]

Sarge: "Hand-to-hand combat is the old school way to kill your foes, it hearkens back to the honored traditions when combatants respected one another. Killing a man with your bare hands says "we're all equals as men. Except I'm slightly more equal 'cause I'm still alive and you're dead." Of course dropping a nuke on them from fifty thousand feet is also totally acceptable. I mean let's face it, there's just not enough time in this busy world to show everybody the courtesy of a good strangling."

Grif: "See? That right there is why society is going downhill. Everyone's in such a hurry these days-"

Simmons: "Yeah yeah yeah, we get the point, wasting time, okay what was the plan, Sarge?"

Sarge: "You fellas stay here. I'm gonna head up there with Lopez and get that device. Get it, Lopez? Head up there! Score two for Sarge, ding ding!"

Lopez: "Dios mío."

Cut back to Doc, Andy, Ash, Church and Caboose.

Doc: "Hey guys? I've figured out what's wrong."

Church: "What is it Doc?"

Doc: "You're not gonna like the diagnosis."

O'Malley: "Hmhmhmhm which is ironic, because I think it's absolutely delightful, muhahahaha."

Church: "Just tell us Doc, we can take it."

Doc: "Your friend is-"

Caboose: "Dying? Oh no!"

Doc: "No, he's not dying, he just has-"

Caboose: "No chance to live. I knew it!"

Ash: "Let him finish Caboose."

Church: "Caboose? One more interruption outta you, and he's gonna have two patients."

Doc: "How do I say this, your friend is ... ..."

Church: "Why are you pausing? Caboose is not gonna interrupt you this time."

Doc: "No, that was just for dramatic effect. He's pregnant."

Caboose: "Oh good. ...Wait what?"

Zeta appears with a dumbfounded expression on her face.

Zeta: "What-"

Ash: "The-"

Church: "-Fuck?"

O'Malley: "Hmhmhmhmhm, preggers, muahaha."

Church: "Alright, are we paying for this service, because, if we are, I want a refund. And if we're not, I want a refund anyway."

Doc: "No it's true, we found two heartbeats. So unless he has two hearts, the only logical explanation is that he's pregnant. ...I think."

Church: "How is that a logical explanation? Alright, one of the three of you has some explaining to do."

Ash: "(holds hands up in defense) Hey I like girls ok?"

Andy: "Haha, don't look at me, Tucker's not my type."

Caboose: "Pshah, me neither. And, uh maybe we should um have the doctor explain, uh just how, babies are made, yknow, uh, in case someone, in the group, uuh may not exactly know how... that... happens."

Church: "Oh my God Caboose, shut up. Andy, blow up. Doc, you're fired, get outta here, Ash come with me. We're gonna go shoot Tucker."

O'Malley: "No, you said we had to tell you what was wrong; you didn't say we had to be right, or that we had to fix him, you fool, hahahahaa, read the fine print, classic blunder. Hmhm."