guitar picks - semishira angst

10~ bitter

Walking home, Semi realised how angry he was. 

It wasn't fair for any of them to blame him for not telling them. He was the one who wanted to tell them, and now no one's happy. What a shit show. 

Is this how unreasonable he sounded to Shirabu when he told him to tell everyone? How ironic.

Semi pondered texting Shirabu, but decided against it in case the others were still there and Shirabu asked Semi why he left. This was just pointless. Semi changed again and stayed in the shower for way too long, as he allowed the heat to burn his skin slightly so he had something to concentrate on. 

When he was done, he lay in his bed willing himself to go to sleep, but after his last venture, sleep felt so boring to him. Instead he starting writing more lyrics, pouring his anger out into graphite on paper. By the end he felt drained, as he lay his head back on his pillow and exhaled deeply attempting to organise his thoughts. 

Too much had happened. Then again, everything was going far too well right? Playing his guitar in public for the first time in years to this shit show. He was almost humoured by it all- he couldn't just go back to "normal" at this point. What was normal anyways? None of this would have happened if he hadn't known about the truth.

None of this would've happened if he hadn't pushed himself to talk to Shirabu.

So this was technically his own fault. That made it easier, he was used to blaming himself when he didn't want to try and understand a situation. But he couldn't understand why the others would blame him for something out of his control. The whole thing felt unfair and incomprehensible to him, but then again, this situation was far from being either of those things.

Semi's phone vibrated

Bangsie:

why did you leave?

Without responding or even open the message, Semi jumped up and grabbed his bike from the garage, setting off for the hospital

***

As he arrived, he found himself unfazed by the sight of the hospital. The tension in his chest was no longer there, instead he felt nothing. Navigating the halls and finding the wards felt like second nature to him. He didn't know how to feel about that.

He walked up to Shirabu's ward as the memories from earlier stung him. He sighed and opened the door without knocking, revealing Shirabu reading a book with headphones on. Shirabu didn't notice Semi at first, instead he was absorbed with the words on the pages of his book. The first thing that Semi noticed was how involved and enthusiatic Shirabu's eyes were. The bored and idle expression absent, replaced with hunger and unfazed curiosity.

Semi had never felt so relieved to see such a look. It reminded him that Shirabu's character never let him go down without a fight. In that moment, there was nothing that could have brought him more comfort than Shirabu sitting peacefully in his bed, in his own world.

If only it weren't for the IV drip stuck into his arm, reminding Semi where he was.

"Hey," Shirabu said, taking off his headphones and putting his book to the side as he rested his hands on his lap.

"...hey" Semi replied. Once again, he hadn't thought about how this conversation would go but he was beginning to realise that was a reoccurring thing he had going on with Shirabu.