guitar picks - semishira angst

5~chance

Semi shuffled in his bed, his mind continuously wondering to the boy in the hospital bed. For some reason, he felt like he couldn't wait for Shirabu to get out of the dull bed. He hated seeing people in weak states.

It would only be 6 weeks until he was back to normal again right?

Semi got dressed and tidied up his hair before he left to see his mother in the hospital again. Saturdays were never busy, and he had a lot of time to kill so he decided he could go and see his mum to start off his day.

He walked over to the hospital, apathy in his stride and opened the doors as he took his earplugs out. As he walked up the stairs, he bumped into someone.

"Sorry-

"Shirabu?" Semi said out loud

But the hay haired boy ignored him, and focussed on the doctor and nurse talking beside him while Shirabu's mother clutched his hand. Semi contemplated turning back to ask him what was wrong but decided against it.

Should he be walked that much if his rib is fractured?

Semi couldn't shake the thought from his head as he strode to his mother's room with a pensive expression on his face. He sat down beside her, as she too looked lost in her own thought.

"You okay?" He asked idly fiddling with his hands

"I love you Eita. Don't think I'll ever stop" She said, her eyes brimming with tears

"Where's this coming from?" He asked, holding her hand to try and comfort her

"Nothing baby. I just...life is so short you know? And I want you to live. Live long and live well. Be happy but let yourself feel sad sometimes. Don't dwell on it, but feel it, face it and move the fuck on. We get so caught up in the stuff that doesn't matter we always forget what's in front of us. Cliché I know but it's true" She said, as Semi looked shocked

"Mom I appreciate this I do but...Is everything okay?" He asked her

"You know how it is, death always being a step away, life being fickle and harsh. But I'm old and...

she burst into tears

"...kids don't deserve to die" she cried

Semi stayed silent, hoping she'd elaborate.

"It's so shitty. Everything's so shitty. Kids don't deserve that kind of stuff to be dumped on them. He's a second year for God's sake-

It was just his paranoia screaming at him, right?

"Mom please, wh-what are you..."Semi trailed off, unable to complete the sentence he desperately wanted to say

"The doctors haven't stopped talking about it but that second year that came in a while ago...

he's been diagnosed with cancer"

Semi's legs started move before he could think about much else. 

***

He sprinted and sprinted. He wasn't sure where he was going exactly but he needed to run.

Cancer?

Semi needed to see him. To see Shirabu. He needed to hear a smart ass comment from him, or hear his classic condescending scoff, anything, anything would bring him comfort. Semi pulled out his phone, flooding with confused texts from his mother. But at least he knew how much time she had left. She wasn't who he needed to see. He checked his find my friends and then his snapchat map, revealing that Shirabu's location was only a few streets away. Semi ran to his kouhai's house, and by the time he reached it, he was panting, desperately trying to catch his breath.

He pounded the door 3 times, each weaker than the last. 

The door was opened by the same woman that woke him from the hospital- Shirabu's mother.

"Oh hi. You're one of the boys from the hospital? Kenjiro's friend?" She said, smiling meekly hiding a few sniffs

"Semi. Nice to meet you again Ms. Shirabu" Semi panted

They stood looking at each other for few uncomfortable moments

"Is, uh, is he home?" Semi asked

"Yes he's here. I'm sorry would you like to come in?" She asked with a weak smile

"If that's okay, I don't mean to intrude" he said politely, stepping in as she opened the door for him.

Semi looked around the house, a sweet smell of jasmine and cinnamon filling the air. Shirabu's mother called her son down as Semi started looking at the photos on the slate walls. Baby pictures of Shirabu and his mother smiling together filled him with a feeling he couldn't exactly explain. A warmth, a strange comfort overcoming him as he found himself revelling in the fact that he now had this over his sarcastic underclassman.

"What are you doing here" a tired voice called out from behind him

"I'll give you two boys some time to catch up" his mother said as she left the sitting room

Semi stared at Shirabu. He had the same expression on his face. The same type of clothes on his body. The same ridiculous but adorable haircut.

Just how good was this guy at hiding his issues?

"Can we talk?" Semi asked awkwardly

"Isn't that what we're doing?" Shirabu replied monotonously

He rolled his eyes and gestured for Semi to follow him up the stairs, leading him to his room on the second floor. Shirabu opened his door and flopped onto his bed, and put his hands behind his head and he took a deep breath and exhaled loudly.

Semi stepped into the room and started scratching his head awkwardly making Shirabu send him a condescending look.

"What" he said plainly

"I saw you at the hospital" Semi said regaining his composure and sitting down on Shirabu's bed. His room was so organised- his desk clean and notes filed away. His walls decorated with aesthetic posters that looked smart and complimented his slate grey walls. Semi allowed himself to inhale the gentle smells that came from the flickering candles on Shirabu's shelf as aromas of jasmine and mild vanilla danced around his nostrils.

It was strangely calming sitting at the edge of his bed.

"I saw you. At the hospital" Semi repeated as Shirabu gave a look that said he expected more

"I'm not a fucking doctor, dude but a fracture shouldn't mean you have to get regular hospital checkups. If it was minor then-

Shirabu started laughing, using his hand to try and cover his mouth.

"What, you analysing me now? And I'm the obsessed one? Seriously you-

Semi didn't laugh or find any humour in what his kouhai was saying. Instead his mocking tone made him more angry but he managed to keep his composure.

"-you're hiding something. I thought something was wrong from the start, and now you're getting all defensive trying to hide it with your bullshit sarcasm but I'm not falling for it. What's going on?"

Shirabu stopped his childish giggles as his smirk faded from his face.

"Jesus Christ Sherlock. Congratulations you figured it out."

"I have cancer. Small cell. Stage 4" Shirabu yawned passively