Icy Inferno (Troyler AU)

⋙ Chapter Twenty-Two

I wanted to believe him, to think one day I’d wake without a tender aching in my chest.

I knew I’d never that lucky.

*

I couldn’t motivate myself to get up on Monday. School was the most unappealing option, especially if it meant roaming the corridors by myself. I just cocooned myself in my duvet, fighting the dark abyss of woe that threatened to devour me. Mum came in at some point, saying I should try to do something, to distract myself. At first I wasn’t going to. I had no motivation in me.

Over time the blue walls grew too frustrating to look at. I knew I needed change. I went to the garage and hauled tins of paint up the stairs. I spent my time humming sad songs whilst covering the walls. It seemed like I was painting for minutes, until I noticed the sky turning dark.

Around six o’clock, there was a knock on my bedroom door. Before I could send the person away, the door opened.

“Hey Tro- woah. What have you done?”

I spun round. Caspar stood with wide eyes in the doorway.

“It’s just paint.”

“Why have you repainted it?” he asked, running his fingers across the walls. He seemed shocked when he ended up with white paint on his fingertips.

“It's a nicer colour.”

“It’s dull. There’s no life in it.”

Sums me right up, doesn't it? I restrained myself from saying it out loud. "Why are you here?"

"I thought you might want some company." He gave me merry smile, then made himself right at home on my bed.

"How was school?"

"Alright. Everyone's panicking because the inspectors are coming in tomorrow, you know, to "evaluate how big a threat we are"."

"I forgot about that..."

“There's no point stressing about it.  You should be stressing about christmas shopping instead."

"I don't celebrate christmas."

"Well I do, and I expect the best christmas present. I think all of us should go out on christmas eve and go to the ice rink or something."

"When you say “all of us”..."

"I mean you, me, Hannah, Alfie, Zoe, Dan, Marcus, Joe. The squad."

"It's not "the squad" without Tyler."

"It'll have to be, for now. Anyway, I have something exciting to tell you.”

“What is it? Did you find your missing pizza?”

“No, but I did get a conditional place at a uni.”

“Already?”

“I know! I had an interview on Sunday and they offered me a place then. Can you believe it?"

"Of course I can you're a genius! I'm so happy for you,” I said, smiling with as much gaiety as I could muster. I was happy for him - truly - but everything was changing so fast. I hadn't even applied to any places, and somehow he'd already got a place. I had to get a move on, if I wanted to go. But I didn’t even know if I wanted to go.

“Which one is it?”

“Just some random one in Michigan.”

“Tyler’s from Michigan,” I commented without thinking.

Joy was wiped off his face on an instant. For the first time he seemed to look at me, taking in my bedraggled state. “You miss him, don’t you?”