Cigarettes | N.B & D.D

Chapter Thirty-Two: Bar Cotta

Noah's head began to spin and he almost fell into a panic. With his phone against his ear and hand still trembling, he was unsure of how everything would play out. Everything had been so perfect. He couldn't let one mistake ruin what was meant to be forever with Dixie.

He knew that he had royally fucked up. It messed with his mind to know that right this second, as he's going over all the terrible things he's done, there lays the most perfect and strongest person he's ever met in the other room. Someone like her was so deserving of the truth yet didn't deserve to feel anymore pain than she already has.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "Nessa, you wouldn't dare."

She scoffed, "Dixie is one of my best friends, why wouldn't I tell her?"

"Because it'll destroy her!" He whisper-yelled into the phone. "Well, you should've thought about that before you did it."

Nessa had no mercy for Noah and he understood why. He too had a pure resentment towards himself. What he did in his eyes could be seen as unforgivable but he hoped that Dixie wouldn't hold this against him. However, his chances were limited as Nessa wasn't holding back so what made him think that Dixie would?

"You know, she loves you and I thought you loved her-"

"I do love her!"

"Then why'd you do it? When she was hurting the most? She was so lost, Noah. So what, she didn't want you paying and was angry at you, that doesn't give you the right to do what you did."

He sat back for a second, "we weren't together!" He argued. "Really? So the 'I love you' exchange was platonic?" She laughed pathetically, "right. I believe you."

"Listen, you're not going to tell her anything. I will. I just... I- I need some time." Tears began to well in his eyes. He couldn't run away from this. He had caused this and there was a chance that Dixie would never want to see him ever again.

"I don't care about what you need, Noah. Think about what she needs. If you love her, you'll be honest with her. You and I both know what happens when you hold back from each other."

He began to choke on his words, "w-what if she breaks up with me?"

"Then you deserve it." She spat, ending the call abruptly.

After the call had ended, he found himself smiling as he leaned up against the doorframe. Soft snores escaped her lips as she hugged his pillow as she slept. She looked peaceful. For the first time in a long time did Noah see her look calm, as if nothing could ever hurt her again. He wished that was true. He was the monster keeping her up at night and she didn't even know it yet. What he did, he couldn't forgive himself for.

Weakness: a lack of strength or a character flaw; something you're unable to resist.

Much like how every curse is a blessing in the limelight, he could only hope that every mistake and weakness he displayed had a small sense of strength.

"Were we ever together?"

His own words rang in his ear. A scatter of thoughts lingered as his mind began to grow foggy. The tranquil air fanned against his lips as he pouted, tears streaming down his frosted cheeks. The neon lights of an opened sign to the bar 'Bar Cotta' caught his eye.

As a promise he made to himself years ago, he'd never turn to alcohol or women to let out his frustrations and forget his worries ever again. But that's what a weakness does to you. It makes you forget about the promises made. Whatever was one's supposed weakness, mocked them. It laughed in their face to prove that you'd never be strong enough to resist what it was.