It Should've Been You: Book One

Madeline

I look down at the text message I just received. It's from Ellis. The guy that Hazel accidentally saw me with in bed. That was so funny. We couldn't stop laughing about it the night I came back to the room.

But this time, I swipe his message away and take the various things that I think will make any girl feel better after a fight.

In the morning, her mother came and I immediately knew she was some family member of Hazel's. She looks just like her.

I seriously looked for an escape route, but then her mother just pushed me in and I had no way of escaping. Yet, my heart shrank as I saw her mother leave. There was this snap in Hazel's eyes. It made me shiver with sadness by it. I can't imagine what she's going through. She's so sad that she missed her favorite class. She never misses that laboratory!

So I quietly open the door to our dorm and see her under the bed sheets still. There's a faint noise of sniffles and I gently close the door behind me.

"Hey Hazel," I sweetly say. "I brought some goodies for you. You haven't eaten anything all day and it's going to be 7 PM."

"I'm fine," she says with a sniffle. "I don't want to eat."

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"But I brought your favorite! Chocolate chip cookies! The soft ones!" I take it out of the bag and wait for her to lift her head up.

But she stays still and stops her sniffles. After a moment of silence, she softly says, "I don't want to eat chocolate chip cookies anymore. That's something I used to do with my mother."

"Oh C'mon. Don't tell me you're going to stop eating cookies just because of your mom?" She stays silent and I'm left in surprise. Oh wow. She's serious.

I let out a small sigh and went over to my bed. "Fine. I brought something else. I brought us some Maruchan soups. How can Americans eat this all the time?"

"What kind of soup did you get?"

I do a small smirk. I knew she wasn't gonna turn down soup. She loves noodle soup. "I got the shrimp one for me and the chicken one for you."

"Can we trade?"

"If it makes you come out of the blankets, sure." I go over to her bed and bend over to see her head peek out. I give her a tender smile and softly say, "Hey there."

As she sits up, she wipes her tears away and takes a breath. My heart shrinks at the sight of her puffy eyes and her fallen shoulders. I go over to our small microwave and prepare our soups. She quietly watches me do this and I go back to her bed with our soups in hand. She gently takes hers and sadly starts to eat it.

I watch her with a sad expression and softly say, "So I think there are some things you'll have to heal in the next few years?"

She does not look at me as she sadly says, "Why heal when there's nothing to go back to?"

"What do you mean?"

She does a small scoff. "Didn't you see? She left. Just like he did."

"You kicked her out--"

"No, I didn't!" I jump and she clears her throat. "I'm sorry. I'm..." A sob tries to escape her lips and I quickly put an arm around her. She wipes her tears away as she softly says, "I know I'm not the best. I really am not. I'm a horrible person."

"That's not true. You are the most kindest, sweetest, and funniest person I've ever known!"

She stays silent as a tear falls down her leg. Her voice is only a sad whisper as she says, "That's not what he thought..."

"Who?"

"My dad," she whispers.

Now the pieces are slowly coming together as I watch her sniffle and get ready to explain it all to me.

She tells me the story of the day her father left and the way her mother just slowly disappeared along with her father. The way she learned to become independent and survive without the care a mother should give. Tears fall one after the other as she tells me her story, and I'm left with teary eyes as well.

"I'm...so sorry, Hazel. I...why didn't you tell me?"

Hazel does a small shrug. "I don't know. I guess I didn't want you to see me...like that."

I wipe my tears and say, "How do you not want me to be sad?"

"Because it makes me feel like--"

"All those little rats you treat at the clinic?"

Her eyes grow wide and we suddenly laugh together. "They're not rats!"

"Yes, they are."

"No! They're beautiful creatures that just make you smile!"

I roll my eyes at her and smile. As the atmosphere seems lighter, I carefully say, "Why were you so mad at your mother when she came to see you? She just misses you--"

"It's not like that, Madds." Anger threatens to strike up again but she calms down and softly says, "She...I...The day before I arrived in America, I was supposed to have a day with my mom. I thought that maybe we could be different now that I was going away but when I arrived at the house to get coffee with her, I saw her with...a guy. Some random guy was on top of her and I just ran out! I-I couldn't see that again!"

"Oh my god!" I say with wide eyes. I can't imagine how torn Hazel must be from that. I understand her anger. "That's horrible!"

"Yeah...." Her eyes fall and I put my hand on her back. "I just...I know I shouldn't be so harsh on my mother. It's just that..." Tears fall down again and I give her a warm hug. My shoulder slowly starts to turn wet from her tears and all I can do is rub her back.

I never imagined that her life was so messed up. No wonder she gets triggered by some things. No wonder she got so mad that day I was in our dorm with Ellis.

I gently pull away and give her a small smile. "Well. You are not alone. I'm here. I'm your family now."

Her eyes show the reflection of her heart melting and that's enough for me. She's enough for me.