An Art of Balance

Chapter 16: A Forced Confession

If there was one word describing Lizzie's emotional chaos, 'conflicted' would be a pretty accurate one.

Although absolutely nothing had happened between Orion and her back in the Common Room, Lizzie felt as if Rowan had caught them red-handed. She was disconcerted at how easily yet another lie to Rowan had fallen from her lips; she hadn't even missed a beat when she had told her they had merely discussed team matters.

Rowan had asked her a second time what they had been talking about when she had escorted Lizzie back to bed, and yet again, Lizzie hadn't grasped the chance to come clean with her.

To make matters worse, Rowan had believed her. She had looked at her with that trusty, innocent smile of hers, the one reserved just for her, her best and oldest friend. It made Lizzie sick to her stomach at how undeserving she was of the blind faith Rowan put into her.

Lizzie knew full well that she and Orion had crossed the invisible line separating their friendship from whatever lay beyond once again; only this time, it had been her stepping into uncharted territories first, pulling him along beside her, if only for the slightest step.

She felt guilty for not staying true to her resolve, for not just wishing him a goodnight and going back to bed, maybe with a little regret but also with a clean conscience. But she couldn't help it.

The way she felt drawn to Orion was almost like she was stuck in a magnetic field with him at the centre. No matter how hard she tried to keep her distance, she gravitated back towards him wherever she turned.

Seeing as fighting his appeal to her was a futile attempt at best, Lizzie had decided to just accept things as they were. She was sure, once her mind had something else to focus on again, her rampant feelings would fall back in line; it was a mere matter of distraction.

So as the match in which Hufflepuff would have to face the Slytherin team drew nearer, Orion and she started to grow closer again. It was in no way comparable to the bond they had shared before, but gradually Lizzie started to lose her apprehension around him.

She wasn't borderline reckless of course; she still made sure not to find herself alone with him. When they had their greenhouse meetings, she took a step back to let Rowan become the focus of his attention. Lizzie resorted to listening to Orion's explanations and scribbling down her notes professionally. She kept her mind fixed on the plants he was describing and tried to ignore the shivers the warm timbre of his voice sent down her back, as well as the adoring way Rowan watched him as she hung onto his every word.

When they had practise, flying with him again felt like it had always done, instinctive and carefree. They had returned to the mutual understanding of each other that had been an integral part of their previous successes.

As soon as their feet were hitting the ground though, Lizzie stuck to Lucy and Judith, the other girls in the team besides her and Skye. She would still laugh and joke with him while the others were around; but where she would have stayed behind with him and McNully before, she followed the others back to the changing room instead of discussing the insights of their training with her captain.

Before long, however, she started missing the conversations with him; the way he would express the simplest of things with longwinded philosophical musings, while exactly pinning down complicated matters with a single, well considered sentence. Lizzie knew she would set herself up to fail if she let herself be drawn back into his orbit; but when she was with him, she just felt so understood.

The lies that had started following her around and were demanding her constant attention still lay heavily on her shoulders, though. She wished she had anyone to share them with; someone to tell her she wasn't the awful human being she felt that she was turning into.