Dangerous Desires | PJM 18+

ONE: PROLOGUE

Is it so wrong to want to be desired by your own husband? The one man you're supposed to be lusted after and desired by? The one man you're supposed to give your body to and no one else until death do you part?

That was the vows, right? Until death do we part.

Looking back, would I have gotten married knowing what I know now? I'm honestly not sure.

The good memories and that hope that what we have together still floats in the air, swarming around me and suffocating me all at once.

I just want to breathe again!

The lump in my throat causing me pain seems to grow in size and my hands tremble as I continue to fight back the tears that now gather in the brim of my eyes and I'm afraid if I shut them too tight again, they'll just fall and I can't have that. I can't let that happen.

The bedroom door opens and I hope that maybe, just maybe, my husband is coming in to make sure I'm okay for once or to take me up on the third offer this week to have sex with me. It's not like I don't do my best to keep up with my appearance. I, of course, do the bare minimum like shower, shave, and style my hair but I also try to do my makeup nicely or wear clothes that I think he may find attractive in hopes that he'll notice me.

Maybe I'll be able to at least get told that I look nice for once, but nothing. Nothing is ever said; good or bad.

At this point, I'd like for him to tell me I look like shit just so I know that he sees me. Something!

It's not like he's my boyfriend and I can easily walk away. We made a commitment together and I am one to stick to those commitments with everything I have but one person can only hold up a marriage on their own for so long.

A stubborn tear falls from my eye just as my husband looks at me and I furrow my brow and shut my eyes tightly in annoyance.

"What are you crying for, Mia?" He asks, slightly annoyed by the fact I'm fucking sad.

Too tired of explaining the same thing over and over until I'm blue in the face, I shake my head and hold the pillow tighter to my chest, "I'm not crying, Cameron."

"Such a fucking cry baby for no reason." He huffs as he grabs whatever it was that he came in here for before turning to walk back out of the door.

I almost say something but I just don't have it in me tonight to go through the same fight again even though my heart clenches at his words and my hands shake in a mixture of sadness, anger, and panic. Not to mention, I know him. Even if I was to say something, he wouldn't stop to hear me out no matter if I screamed or calmly asked for him to. He would just keep walking, avoiding me once again and leaving me to feel single in a marriage.

Is this what my life has to offer me? After everything I've been through in my life, is this the love I get?

After the death of my father, being sexually taken advantage of as a young girl, going through an abusive relationship at a young age, having to fend for myself as I watch my mother slowly but surely pass away from cancer, being homeless for a couple of years, and not to mention the heartbreak of past relationships, is this the love I get in life?! No matter how much love I try to put out into the world, this is what I get in return?!

It surely doesn't seem like I have much being offered to me, no matter how much I fight.

I'm so tired of fighting! Fighting with my husband, fighting for me. I'm exhausted!

I even found myself new hobbies when I'm not at work in the office and although they bring me a bit of happiness when I lose myself in them, eventually I just come back to the reality that I'm just filling a void. A void that presents itself in the form of a diamond wedding set on my left ring finger. The metal sometimes feels like it's burning my skin and I have to take it off just to let my heart relax before it feels like it will explode.