Through My Window

Original Edition: 35. The Quadripolar boy

My heart has already hit rock bottom, tears cloud my vision, "Wow, you really know how to make someone feel bad, you're coming to my house to tell me that?" I think you better go.

He wags the same finger he used to point at me, "I'm not done."

I don't want to cry in front of him, "But I do, go away."

He takes another drink of tequila, "Don't you want to know why I hate you?"

"I destroyed your life, I think you already made it clear, now get out of my house."

"No."

"Ares..."

"I'm not leaving!" He raises his voice, standing up, "I need this, I need to tell you. I need you to know why I hate you."

I clench my hands at my sides, "Why do you hate me, Ares?"

"Because you make me feel. You make me feel and I don't want to. I don't want to be the stupid guy drowning in booze because he can't get a girl out of his head."

That leaves me speechless, but I don't show it, he continues, "I don't want to be weak; I swore not to be like my father and here I am, drunk, being weak in front of you. You make me be like him, you make me vulnerable, and I hate it."

I let my anger dominate my words, "If you hate me so much, what the hell are you doing here? Why don't you leave me alone?"

He raises his voice again, "You think I haven't fucking tried?" He lets out a sarcastic laugh, "I've tried, Rachel, but I can't!"

"Why not?" I challenge him, approaching him.

And here comes the hesitation, he opens his mouth and closes it, clenching his jaw. His breathing is heavy, and so is mine. He turns his back to me, messing up his hair again.

Even drunk, he can't say it, huh?

"Ares, you have to go."

He turns enough to face me, his eyes on the ground, "I thought this shit was never going to happen to me. I avoided it so much and it happened anyway, and I don't know if this is what it feels like but I can't deny it anymore..." he turns completely towards me, his shoulders slumped, defeated, his blue eyes full of emotion, "I'm in love, Rachel."

He stops breathing and my mouth opens in a big "O"

He grins to himself like a fool, "I'm so fucking in love with you."

My heart flips, leaving an electrifying feeling in my stomach, did I hear it right? Did Ares Hidalgo just say that he is in love with me? He didn't say he wanted me, he didn't say he wanted me in his bed, he said he was in love with me. I can't say anything, I can't move, I can only watch him. I can only see how those walls of coldness fade in front of me.

And then, I remember... the story, his story.

The memory is blurred but his words are clear, he had found his mother in bed with a man who was not his father, and his father had forgiven the infidelity, Ares lived it all, saw everything. His father had been his pilar, seeing him weak and crying must have been a heavy blow to him.

He doesn't want to be like him... I understood, that doesn't justify his actions, but at least it explains them a little.

My mother has always told me that everything we are depends a lot on our upbringing and what we experience in our childhood and early adolescence. Those are the years when we are like sponges that absorb everything.

And then I see it ...

The guy in front of me is not the cold, arrogant jerk I first spoke to through my window, he's just a guy who got off to a rocky start. A boy who doesn't want to be like the person he used to look up to, who doesn't want to be weak. A vulnerable boy. An angry boy, because he doesn't want to be vulnerable, and who wants to?