Drowning In Secrets

Are you not mad?

                Taylor woke up the next day with a sore cheek but she didn't mind, she knew jay didn't do it intentionally and she didn't blame him one bit.  She did however notice jays guilt whenever he saw it for the rest of the day yesterday, so she decided it was best to cover it up with concealer this morning so he couldn't see it as much and wouldn't feel as guilty, she knew it was breaking him inside even though she told him it was fine a million times. 

                 She strolled into the bullpen with a box of donuts like she did a bit ago, "breakfast has arrived" she smiled and placed them down on Kevin's desk.  They all jumped up at the sight, "this is why you're my favourite" Adam laughed but pulled a guilty face when Kim slapped his arm.  Taylor laughed then looked behind her to spot her partner but he wasn't there, "where's jay?" She spoke quietly to Kevin.  Kevin nodded, "he hasn't left the locker room yet" he shrugged.  Taylor nodded curiously, "save one for jay and hank, I'll be right back" she smiled.  Vanessa tilted her head, "where's yours?" She spoke thankfully.  Taylor laughed, "I ate mine in the car, I couldn't resist the urge" she smiled then walked out of the bullpen and headed towards the locker room.

                The door was closed so she knew jay was inside since he's the only one who closes the door after him.  She knocked gently but didn't give him an option because she walked through the door a few seconds later, she closed the door behind her once she saw jay hunched over on a bench.  "Hey" she spoke softly so she didn't startle him, it didn't work anyways since he jumped at the sound of her voice.  She frowned and sat down next to him with both of her legs on either side of the bench.  "You okay?" She tilted her head, he kept his head down.  There was a moments silence before he replied, "are you not mad?" He spoke sadly.  Taylor frowned and shook her head, "why would I be mad?" She replied back kindly.

               Jay sighed, "I hurt you tayls, I-I just couldn't stop it..." he started but Taylor cut him off, "I know jay, I know you couldn't which is why I'm not mad. I'm here for you, and I'm always gonna be here for you..." she rubbed his back since she could sense his tears forming already.  Jay couldn't hold back his emotions anymore, his tears began strolling down his cheeks and he hated it, he had highly built up walls and he never let them down for anyone, but here he was letting them crumble to the floor, "it's okay..." she spoke sadly and pulled him into a hug from the side.  He tried as hard as he could to hold back his sobs but there's something about being in his partners embrace that makes him crumble, "did you sleep at all last night?" She placed her chin on his head. 

                  He couldn't give her a verbal response so instead he just shook his head, "it's alright, how about I talk to Voight and let him know that I'll cover you if you need to rest up anytime of the day?" She rubbed his back in calming circle motions.  Jay nodded his head now that he had stopped crying, "thank you..." he whispered.  Taylor pulled out of the hug and wiped his tears away, "that's what I'm here for, now come on. I brought donuts for breakfast" she smiled and placed a hand on his.  Jay smiled back and let out a small laugh, he doesn't deserve her, but little did he know how she thinks the same, she doesn't deserve him. 

                  She left the locker room first so he could gather himself together in private since most people like to do that on their own, when jay was finally ready and his eyes weren't puffy he left the locker room and joined the team who were chatting away.  "There he is" Kim laughed.  Jay smiled, "Adam nearly ate your donut" Kevin huffed.  Jay laughed, typical Adam, he smiled at Taylor thankfully for everything she's done for him and bit into the cookies and cream donut she got him. 

                 At lunch time, so around 12:45pm, Taylor noticed jays eyes closing more and more, "hey, go sleep" she whispered and tilted her head towards the break room.  Jay smiled, usually he would put up a debate but he didn't have the effort to do so right now, he nodded and got up before walking into the break room and closing the door.  The team had no case today so it wasn't like he was missing anything special.  She smiled as her partner finally listened to her then looked into Hanks office, she got up and left the bullpen as the rest of the unit were chatting away while they were meant to be getting on with paperwork.

                  "Hey sarge, you got a sec?" She poked her head around his door, hank looked up, "come in" he nodded.  Taylor smiled and entered with permission as she closed the door behind her, hank sat up in his chair.  He knew it was important since she shut his door, "what's up?" He nodded.  Taylor smiled sadly and sat down, "I think jays ptsd's bad again, I told him to go rest up and I'll cover him while he's sleeping. He didn't get any sleep last night..." she frowned.  Hank nodded, "good call" he smiled, he can tell somethings up with jay, he found out yesterday that jay accidentally punched Taylor while he was having a nightmare which probably triggered his guilt. 

                  Hank also knew Taylor wasn't just there to let him him know about the work arrangement since she looked a little lost, "why are you really here?" He tilted his head.  Taylor sighed, "I don't know how to help him..." she admitted.  Hank smiled, "he just needs support, he'll deny any help from anyone but he himself knows deep down that he just wants someone to be there for him. You're doing everything you can, just keep it up" he nodded.  Taylor smiled sadly and nodded, she was doing exactly that, "oh and Watson, you're the only one he's letting his wall down for. Stick with him" he stopped her before she could leave.  Taylor smiled as she placed a hand on the door handle, "I'm not going anywhere" she nodded then left, closing the door as she done so. 

                   Hank smiled, the pair were one of the strongest partners in the whole of CPD, he may be biased but he was extremely proud of them.  He knew Taylor was the only one who could pull jay out of his dark times and he was thankful for her, she was like his guardian angel, only she could fix things.

At around 3pm jay woke up, "hey..." he groggily sat back down at his desk, Taylor looked up and smiled, "hey you, well needed rest huh?" She tilted her head. Jay laughed and smiled, "definitely" he nodded. He looked around his desk for his paperwork but Taylor's chuckles cut him off, "I've already done it, it's down by your cabinet" she shook her head at his cluelessness. Jay looked down to the floor and funnily enough he surely did see his paperwork done and dusted, "tayls you didn't have to..." he started but she cut him off, "shut up chuckles, you needed the rest" she smiled. Jay stared back at her for a little while longer, "I owe you" he smiled. Taylor laughed, that contagious laugh, "no you don't, now go socialise or something" she smiled back before getting on with her paperwork. Jay smiled at her although she was getting on with her work, precious...