Stolen Voices ✓

September 15th

"We were talking about your need to create a schedule, Mara. Not your sex life," Dr. Alice sniggers. She is wearing a loose dress today. The large window in her room is open, letting in the cordial draft. Dr. Alice is particular to summer weather as it is what she grew up with as a little girl. Her red hair, whipping in the breeze as she ran within fields of blooming flowers. She is not accustomed to the chilling snow that blankets their city in the winter season.

"I just miss him, man," Mara sobs, her hands covering her grimace. She cries into her palms, tired of the feelings. It has become apparent that, after weeks of missing his warming comfort, everything she had felt was, in fact, real. The three words that she was too blind to notice then and too cautious of now.

The idea of love Mara had seen as a child was two people who couldn't stand to be in the same room as the other. Her father, Thomas, used his business trips as an excuse to take his paramour traveling the realms of their world. While her oppressive mother remains home, taking out her anguish on Mara. Whispering into the vulnerability of a little girl's ears, to never love, because men and women are not worth the heartache that would ensue.

Now she has to learn how to go on alone, battling her pride. Elias's love is her beautiful trauma, what she seeks out when everything is breaking, a toxic romance. They live off of each other's sentiments to blind out their personal mental collapse.

"We all miss someone in the world," Dr. Alice counters, "but we can't love them if we don't love ourselves first."

Mara is silent for a beat, just taking in her words. When she was five Genevieve, in a drunken stupor, had named Mara as the undesired child. While swaying her to sleep, the lullaby Mara fell asleep to, was Genevieve saying how it was wished the young girl was never conceived. Echoing how she should have gotten rid of her when she had the chance.

Though Genevieve forgot that following morning, Mara treasured each year to come. Instilled in her mind that she was to never exist, Mara truly never learned to admire herself. She could act the part, but it was shown when she stood in the middle of a buzzing highway, not caring if the cars hit her, that she thought of herself as nothing more than a speck.

Less than a speck because even flecks of dust will make an imprint on something.

"When I look at you, Mara, I see a girl who can be anything. But you are held back by your own perplexing idea of who you're allowed to be, and being with this boy isn't going to help that."

Dr. Alice understands, watching painfully by herself as someone she loves struggled with self-esteem issues. She'd observes her own dose of depression to know that if you let it prevail, eventually it will annihilate you altogether.

"But he makes me feel-" Mara sighs, looking for the word. There are a million of them racing through her mind. But none will ever be able to express what she feels when those artistic brown eyes fall on her.

"I bet he makes you feel like the water, earth, and sun all wrapped up into one," Dr. Alice answers for her, recalling her first love. First loves are the most troublesome because they are the first to take your heart in their hold. And the firsts to further have the capability to break it.

"Yeah," Mara's eyes light up, snapping her fingers. Elias made her feel like everything, like all the elements of the world. It is indescribable the fire that lit under her skin when she caught his stare.

"And what happens when he is gone, Mara? You have to learn to think of yourself like that because he won't always be there to love you when you can't love yourself. And you can't expect him to be there either."

---

She erased his number from her contacts.

It is the only way to guarantee herself that she won't call him. Not that his phone number isn't burned into her memory, but she will have to take the time to type them out individually. She hopes by the time she is done, she will have realized the idea itself is destructive.

Instead, she helps Ryn unload the moving van as they enter their new two-bedroom apartment. Cairo has gotten a job more down South as an elementary school teacher, and on a whim, Ryn urged Mara to become their needed roommate. They can't afford rent in the city by themselves, and Mara, with no college plans at the moment, decided yes.

Of course, after discussing with Dr. Alice and her doctors, they agree that it will be okay if she goes forward with the journey. As long as she remains strictly to her schedule; three meals a day and at least the necessity of 8 hours of sleep. As well, her meds will be regulated by Ryn, who realizes being damage control wasn't the best for their friendship. Cathryn Raja will become the best version of a friend to Mara she can, even if that means screaming fits.

As well, Mara will learn to love herself in the bustling city that never sleeps, where dreams are inspired at midnight. Wherever Elias was in the world, she wouldn't be far away. After all, they wished themselves on the stars, and fate would inescapably be on their side.

Right?

---

Authors Note:

I feel like I never took the time to show a little bit about Dr. Alice as she's a somewhat main character in this book, so hers a piece of her puzzle.

Any predictions?

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- Nia