The whole time we spoke I couldn't get out my mind how I really had a Nephew who was just a few miles down the street from me.
I was honestly planning on leaving this little convo, we were having, to see him and ask the people around there how he landed in their possession and where the fuck was my sister. It's clear that she's alive but her location was oblivious to us all.
•••
"Damn boy," Quan whistled, "How do you not be fucking yo' therapist? Shordy about fine as fuck."
I shot him a look before signing myself in. Quan was enjoying my appointment more then I was.
"Because she wouldn't give me advice nigga. I don't go around fucking anything that walks like you. This exactly why you ended up with gonorrhoea that one time."
"My piss was green and everything."
I threw him a stank face and tried not to image what the fuck he had just said. Luckily, my therapist came out and asked if I was ready for my appointment.
"I'll be out in a few." I patted Quans back and entered her room.
She was probably the only person that i've told the most shit about myself. Not everything, but some things.
Most of my deepest secrets were in my journal and i've had it since I was a kid. Within those pages were years of sorrow and sadness.
My parents were the type of people who would laugh at you if you told them you were depressed or felt like you needed help. They never took that shit seriously which is why I always wrote it down and kept it to myself.
It was my safe place and i've written in it everyday of my life since I was like eight. It was the only thing keeping me sane, honestly.
"Well your mother's making an effort to speak to you is a good sign. I think you should let her in. People do change and she seems like she wants to better things with you."
"Draco doesn't like her. He thinks I shouldn't trust her." I parted my legs and held my hands together.
"Well that's Dracos problem. Just because he doesn't like her doesn't mean you don't have to. Let's not forget just because you two are step brothers doesn't mean you've had the same childhood."
"Brothers," I corrected her, "I see him like my blood."
"Yes, well brothers." She crossed her legs together and looked through her list, "Well, let's move to the last time we've spoken. You were telling me your experience being incarcerated for those four years."
She paused and flipped through her next page. "Many males who go through what you've been though have had traumatic experiences. Do you think you have any?"
I shook my head no and let my mind roam around the time I was behind those cells. Not much went on with me since I was on my lonely.
"Jail is a scary place even though the hardest niggas swear up and down that it ain't. I'm not proud of saying I went and actually don't like telling people I just got out of there. That shit is actually heartbreaking..."
I twisted my lip to the side trying to think a little more. "I say that only because there's people out in the world who look at people like me and automatically think he's one of them or he's not going anywhere. It's crazy cause they say it so much that I actually start believing it and it's fucked up because I wanted to, and still want to. As a kid my aspirations wasn't anything like how i'm living my life right now."
I looked up at the time seeing how much longer this session would last. I had a good fifteen, or so, minutes left.
"One time I got into it with an older inmate and ended up stabbing him which made me receive an extra year followed by server punishments. They sent me to the solitary confinement to keep me from having any interaction with anyone else. All I had was my journal, but no pen to even write on it."
Thirteen minutes left.
"Not gonna lie, I went crazy as fuck in there just locked in a room with my thoughts and they was getting worse and worse. It was so bad that I wanted to kill myself, not because I was away from everyone but because I realized I didn't have anyone."
"Everything that I thought about was negative. Not one good thing about my life or childhood came up and it was sad because it wasn't until that moment when I realized I was lonely.
And when I was finally able to think of a happy memory, I had to remind myself that I wasn't going to get that again. There were so many times where I wanted to go back in time just to feel the way I felt before or to enjoy something like I use to, but I can't."
"People said they loved me but I couldn't actually feel it. People said they cared for me but I couldn't see it. I was genuinely alone emotionally even if it wasn't physically. You can put me in a room with hundreds of people and i'd still feel a disconnect."
"It seems like you're pretty traumatized to me," She stated with a huge smile on her face.
"What makes you think that?"
"Let's just say, I have a feeling. Call it woman's intuition."
•••
"BRO SHE SAID YES." Quanny punched my arm a few times with the happiest expression on his face.
We were outside of the jects trying to sell off the rest of the bags we had on the car. Every now and then people would come by and place a couple dollars into our hands before we tossed them their items.
"Who nigga?" I asked with a lean against the car. It was hot as shit outside and the sun was beating on my face.
"Nessa. Told you I was gonna ask her onna date and now we going."
My brow darted up and I just hummed to myself lightly. "Where you taking her?"
"KFC, duh. Ain't no bitch gonna turn down a box of chicken." He took a bag out the back and tossed it to one of our regulars, which was some fifteen year old.
He was a kid named Kondell who would buy from us just to resell that shit at a higher price. The lil nigga would lie and tell people it's that extra good quality shit when in reality, It wasn't.
Not gonna lie, he was making good money from it and was actually providing. Sometimes I feel bad that he's rolling around in the street and other times I didn't.
Today was one of those days where I didn't give a fuck.
I snatched the bag out of his hands. "Get the fuck on somewhere Kid."
He mean mugged me. "C'mon sir. You know i'm just trying to help my pops. I really need this-"
He stopped his sentence before running off when he saw a couple of Bernies boys scramble in his direction.
I already knew they were gonna jump him but that was none of my business.
Bernie was another old head who makes money the same way as the rest. Everyone knew of him because he was Dove's brother and they were always neck to neck when it came to who controlled what.
I watched as the boys went over and jumped him.
"Damn they beating his ass. Lemme record," Quanny said before pulling his phone out. "Damn ION got no more storage."
"Nigga you really taking her ass to KFC?" I was still stuck on the fact that he thought that was a good idea.
I don't care what nobody says when they say it's the thought that counts cause hell nah. It either shows how broke niggas really were or how much you were worth to them. And right now she was worth a KFC bucket.
"Trust me bruh. Females can't resist a juicy chicken wing."
•••
