Forgive Elli

FE 9

We Cry...

Napatayo ako sa upuan nang tumunog ang bell ng heater. Mabilis ko iyong pinatay at kinuha ang soup na pinainit ko. Isinalin ko iyon sa bowl at inilagay sa mesa.

I went back to my former position.

Tinitigan ko lang ang soup na  umu-usok sa init.

I didn't realize it took me long to stare at it that I found out it was not smoking anymore.

I knew I was hungry. I can feel my intestines rubbing each other. Pero hindi ko maibuka ang bibig ko ngayon. I felt like I  totally lost my appetite.

I exhaled as I diverted my gaze on the side. Nakabukas ang laptop ko kaya tumayo ako at umupo doon sa side couch kung saan ko iyon nilagay.

I browsed my facebook and busied myself scrolling down.

Madalas na tula ang nasa newsfeed ko. I unfollowed anyone in my friend's list. Nakakairita makakita ng kung anong litrato o balita sa buhay nila gayong hindi ko naman talaga sila ganoon ka close.

Hans Villarosa updated his profile picture.

Napahinto ang kamay ko sa pagpindot ng mouse nang magtama ang mga mata ko at ang litrato ni Hans.

Right, we weren't friends on facebook. But I used to stalk his account four years ago.

Facebook niya ang naging tulay kung bakit nakakakuha ako ng kakarampot na balita tungkol kay Greg.

I clicked his photo and saw some reactions.

My heart jumped seeing that Greg reacted heart to his photo and even commented a few minutes ago.

Gregorio Del Pilar: Happy birthday!

Hans Villarosa: baliw!

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako titigil sa pagtitig ng pangalan niya at sa kaniyang komento. I just wanted to imagine that I am hearing his voice again saying those words.

Then I smiled sadly.

I couldn't believe that after four years, walang nagbago sa pagtingin ko sa kaniya.

And this is why I am living in pain.

Barely trying to live.

I clicked Hans' name and stalked his photos.

Marami akong nakitang pictures. It's a good thing that this guy is hiding nothing in public. I saw photos of their family celebrations. But one photo caught my attention.

It was a photo with familiar faces.

A group photo of their circle of friends.

I remember all of these faces. They don't know me, but I know them.

The photo was posted on September 30 last year.

"The Cat has turned 25!"

They were 6 in the photo. I saw the fat woman he tells me she is the one who always initiate talks within their group. She was holding a bowl of spaghetti. Mukang galing siya ng pagluluto.

Then I saw Christian, the long hair. He was holding some glass as he raised it with a grin.

Nakita ko si Hans na nag iisa sa front couch habang abala sa kakapindot ng remote control. May hawak din siyang mic sa kabilang kamay. He seemed lost in his business.

There are two boys hugging Christian on both sides as they raised the rock hand language. Hindi ko sila kilala, pero alam ko ang mga mukha nila. Greg once showed me photos of them.