Boots and I aren't really innocent like many people think.
After stealing a bottle of vodka from a random hobo named Sticky Joe, we get ourselves drunk and decide to sneak over the border. It's easy because the wall isn't finished yet. I hear loud voices coming from the other side. Boots and I pull our intoxicated bodies over the wall to stand on American ground where I see a huge crowd. My first thought is a terrorist attack but then I hear the sexiest voice that I've ever heard in my life. I turn around, only to see the most attractive person on Earth....
Donald Trump.
It's the first time that I've seen him in person. He's way more handsome than in the pictures that I secretly collect. The most attractive thing is his spherical pair of globular organs in his head through which people and vertebrate animals see, the visible part typically appearing almond-shaped in animals with eyelids.
See? I can be smart too. :)
~Later~
I wake up and notice that Boots isn't here. Where am I anyway? I frantically look around for my map but then I remember it's not here either. Goddammit.
"MAP? MAP?! WHERE ARE YOU?!?" I scream.
Nothing.
I avert my gaze towards the thick iron bars that I'm trapped behind. I must be in a cage (no shit). Thank God I still have my backpack with me!
"Backpack backpack purple fucking backpack!!!" I chant. (Author note: I forgot the magical words.... 😂😂)
<backpack's P.O.V>
Ugh. Not Dora.
"Hey, I'm backpack, yoooooo!"
"Yayyyy!" She slurs, basically tripping over her own feet in excitement. It's very obvious to me that she is drunk even tho she's only 7 years old. But really what else is new?
"Greetings, Dora," I say politely, wanting to get this shit over and done with so I can just go back to sleep. Backpacks aren't supposed to be alive anyways. "What do you need?"
"To get the hell out of here." She gestures towards the prison bars.
Hmmmm.
"Okay, Dora, I will help!" I say even tho I don't want to help this whiny little toddler and I never did. "Since you are 7 years old, you have 7 choices! (A/N: because that is true logic) A dog, a drill, a dildo, a diamond, deez nuts, Danny DeVito or Donald Trump's wig!"
"I'll have the dynamite."
"Okayyy!" I sing. My singing voice sounds like a mix between a dying chicken and a walrus giving birth, but I DON'T CARE. I WILL SING IF I WANT TO.
<Donald Trump's P.O.V>
I kinda feel bad about locking up that Mexican. She's undeniably hot and I could use another housewife to replace my current one. Her voice was soooo amazing. It sounded like it had been ripped from the throat of an angel. (A/N: Dora you are good for Trump)
Right now I'm just letting out a big shit as I do every day. But I'm not like the other guys. Mine comes out of my mouth. And get this, everyone applauds me for it! I know that I'll be a good president for America.
Anyway, I'm in the bathroom taking my morning dump when I see a magazine on the floor, possibly abandoned by Melania. But it's not just any magazine. It makes my eyes bulge out of my head.
Dora is on the front cover.
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"OH MY GOD!!!" I exclaim out loud. "Did I just capture a porn star?"
BOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
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