Being Female SAMCRO

Chapter 3

I was running. Running from about a dozen guys who were all armed with AK-47s. The last clip I had was running low on bullets and I was basically fucked.

I knew being in SAMCRO would eventually get me killed, I just didn't think it was going to be so early into my patching. I was only 25 for fucks sake, I wasn't ready to die but I guess when I put that cut on, I was asking for an early death.

My breathing was becoming jagged and heavy. I wasn't going to last much longer running from these guys. I was outnumbered and had an insufficient amount of bullets left.

Then I started to lose sight of where I was going, everything started becoming heavy foggy. My entire life flashed before my eyes and I saw everything that lead me up to this point.

My dad dying, my mom packing up all of her things and telling me she was going on vacation and then she never came back and abandoned me. Clay taking me in and helping me through a rough and my heavily drug involved teenage years.

Now, present day, flashed before my eyes as well and I saw Jax's face in my mind, all of the guys in the club and then I started to wonder where they were now. Where did they go and why was I running from guys that could shoot me right now and kill me.

I looked back and saw a bunch of the guys aiming their guns and I brought my arm behind me to shoot at them as I ran. The thing is, I couldn't remember why I was being chased in the first place, why was I about to die?

I looked back and one of the guys shot his gun at me a number of times and I couldn't see anything other than Jax. He was going to react so badly when he got the news.

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Then I woke up in a cold sweat and I shot up in the bed I was sleeping in and the covers pooled around my waist and I felt my tshirt cling to my body from the cold sweat.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my torso and comfort me. I started trying to catch my breath from heavily breathing.

"What's wrong?" Jax asked, putting his chin on my shoulder and brushing the hair out of my face.

I sighed loudly and finally opened my eyes. I was in Jax's room at the clubhouse, not my apartment.

I looked at Jax and just stared at him for a while. I opened my mouth to say something but I couldn't form any words. I guess what I had a hard time saying was that I was afraid.

I didn't want to admit my weakness, a weakness I had to seemingly prove wrong my entire life. I was afraid of trusting people and I was afraid I was going to go through more trauma.

I sighed again and just stared at a confused and supportive Jax.

"I-I-I." I started and I tried not to let my weaknesses get to me by crying. Some tears left my tear ducts and Jax must have noticed becsuse he brought his hand up to my face and wiped the tears away from each cheek.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, darling." He said, smiling a sympathetic but not degrading smile at me.

He pulled me with him back to the bed and my head rested on his chest. "Just a bad dream. That's all."

I wrapped my arm around his bare torso and stroked his tattoo on his right arm. "I get them too." He said, almost like he knew why I got them.

"What do you mean?" I asked softly, being careful what I said.

He sighed and brought his left arm around my and rubbed along my arm comfortingly. "I get nightmares about different things. Sometimes I'm there when my dad died and I'm just standing on the side of the highway, watching. And it scares me that I can't do anything to save him." Jax explained and I looked up at him and he looked down at me.