if only back then (oneshot) - michaeng

if only back then

But, that won't stop Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung doesn't want to regret not asking Mina out. Chaeyoung doesn't want to pass up such a valuable opportunity. She wants to know how Mina truly feels about her. She wants to profess all her love towards Mina that has been pent-up in her chest for way too long. It's the last day of school. It is a now or never dilemma.

And so, Chaeyoung slipped the piece of note into Mina's book while Mina was engrossed in helping the other students. She closed it and put the book back into Mina's desk drawer, acting like nothing happened. Chaeyoung was so certain and convinced that Mina would see her note and meet up with her.

Chaeyoung was wrong. Mina never showed up. Chaeyoung waited 3 hours straight for Mina's signs at the back gate. But nothing. Chaeyoung was comforting herself in the first 2 hours, saying things like:

"Maybe she is running late."

"Maybe she is just talking to her friends."

"Maybe she is just talking to the teachers."

"Maybe she is still cleaning up the classroom."

Exactly 3 hours passing by, Mina never showed up. Chaeyoung accepted defeat and finally decided to travel home. She had finally accepted the truth that Mina did not like her back. That Mina had read the note but decided to ignore the request. Right when Chaeyoung reached home, she ran to her room and slams the door on her way in. Chaeyoung cried her heart out that day. Partly because Mina didn't feel the same. Partly because she won't be able to see Mina ever again.

After reading the note, Mina frantically ran her way down towards the back entrance of the school. She holds on tight to the book as she ran, as if the book was her lifeline. While running, Mina lets mind imagine many things.

Mina imagined how her old self would have shedded tears out of happiness if she read the note.

Mina imagined how happy she would be while running for the school entrance with the note in the palm of her hand.

Mina imagined how when she arrived at the back entrance, Chaeyoung would be there patiently and enduringly waiting for her.

Mina imagined how once she reaches the back entrance, they would both smile from ear to ear, knowing that this could only mean their love for each other was requited.

Mina imagined how they would confess to each other right on the spot.

But, once Mina had actually reached the back gate, Chaeyoung isn't there anymore. There was no one else waiting for her anymore. Mina looks down at the book in her hands, now she feels nothing but sorrows, dejection, and regret for herself. To make matters worse, on that faithful day 10 years ago, Mina had actually saw Chaeyoung stand nearby the entrance.

After school that day, Mina was riding her bike along with Jihyo. They were riding on the streets located right outside of their school's back entrance. The 2 of them decided to hang out one last time because soon, Jihyo would leave to study abroad. She was glad that school ended, and she no longer needs to experience high school ever again. A smile remains on her lips brightly as she cruised on the streets. However, her smile faltered when she saw Chaeyoung standing inside the school, her back facing the school's back entrance and Mina. Chaeyoung seemingly looked as if she was waiting for someone. Seeing Chaeyoung now only reminded her of the painful first love that will forever remains as one-sided. Mina won't ever see Chaeyoung again, so it's okay.

'The less I see her, the less it would hurt.' Mina thought. Glancing back at the streets, she kept on riding her bike, no longer paying attention to Chaeyoung.

But that's not true at all. She had never once forgotten about Chaeyoung. Frankly, she still loves Chaeyoung a lot. After many relationships, none of the feelings Mina felt towards her partners could ever be compared to her feelings towards Chaeyoung. Nothing, can come in contrast with her first love.

Mina is mad at herself, as well as she is indulged in self-pity.

"If only back then I didn't forget about the book." Mina said painfully.

"If only back then I had enough courage to tell her." Mina said pathetically.

"If only back then I didn't continue riding on the bike and talked to her for the last time."

"Then maybe, things would have been different." She said, one last time.

No words can describe how much regret is filled within Mina. But there was nothing else she can do about it. She can't turn back in time and reverse everything that happened. Now, she just has to continue with her life.

Mina returns back to main courtyard of the school, where the reunion is supposedly held. Every step she took felt heavy. If she gives in, she might just pass out here. There she stood in the back, far away from the outdoor stage. The lights of the decorations were on, only meaning one thing: the reunion had finally commenced. Inspecting the area, she recognized all of her classmates who are here.

Just then, she saw someone in the corner her eyes. The person walked and stood at a reasonable distance from her.

Son Chaeyoung. It was her.

Chaeyoung now looked so much more mature than she was 10 years ago. But Mina could tell, Chaeyoung was still the same Chaeyoung that Mina had loved 10 years ago. Chaeyoung had a relieved expression when was observing the decorations. But when she ultimately noticed Mina, her facial expressions switched to what only could be shock and pain. Mina is giving her a look that could mean that she had seen the note. Chaeyoung studied Mina's expression until she finally understood.

Chaeyoung glanced down at Mina's hand, which was holding the book. Chaeyoung fanthomed that Mina had just now read the note. That Mina just didn't happen to see the note that day. Chaeyoung slow looked back up at Mina's eyes.

The two exchanged melancholy glances at each other, but is still frozen on the spot. As if looking at each other only reminded them of regret. Mina couldn't stand just looking at each other anymore.

Mina was about to take another step towards Chaeyoung. When something appeared next to Chaeyoung. Not something, someone.

A child. A girl.

The child tucked onto Chaeyoung's pant, as if she wanted attention from her. Chaeyoung smiled and reached down and offered her arms towards the toddler. The girl ran to Chaeyoung's arms and Chaeyoung lifted her up from the ground.

Mina stopped her steps.

They shared eye contact once again. But this time, they both smiled. Both of them have a mutual understanding of what happened 10 years ago. Finally, tears began forming in Mina's eyes.

Partly because she is happy for Chaeyoung.

Partly because at least now she realizes Chaeyoung had actually loved her back then, and that was enough.

FIN.

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a/n: the book "the solitude of prime numbers" by paolo giornado actually played a big part in this book. the book was use as a metaphor and was also foreshadowing the outcome of mina and chaeyoung's relationship. as we know prime numbers can only be divided by itself or by 1. we have something called "twin prime". ex : (3 and 5), (7 and 9), (11 and 13) and etc. let's say in this case, mina is 11 and chaeyoung was 13. between 11 and 13, we have the number 12. now keep in mind 11 and 13 are a pair. they're always next to each other. but they can never be together, because the number 12 is separating them. 11 and 13 are so close yet so far away from one another. thus, it perfectly applies to mina and chaeyoung here. there is always an invisible line between them that they cannot cross. to put it simply, mina and chaeyoung weren't meant for each other in this story.

all of the storyline and the analysis above does not belong to me. i just happened to done research on it.

honestly almost cried writing this jesus christ asjkdkjasd.

thank you for reading this book! i hope you enjoyed it to the fullest. if you did enjoy it, please give it a vote!