Out of Hell - Supernatural

Chapter 3

Sawyer

On our way back to the motel, Dean was dragging me behind him without any comment. As soon as I realized what just happened, I pulled away.
"Get your hands off me!"
If that was really Lexi in the alley, I needed to be sure, so I turned around and walked back but Dean stopped me.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
"She was there!", I spat at him. "I swear she was... she..."
I was shaking my head in confusion and Dean was rolling his eyes at me but there was something new in his eyes; for a split second I thought I saw concern in them, an emotion which didn't fit to his attitude towards me.
"You need to calm down, who did you see?
Confused about his newly won interest towards me and my issues, I scrutinized him but then I shook my head in denial. It couldn't have been Lexi, she is dead and I obviously hallucinated.
"Never mind."
Dean was clearly surprised about my reaction when I walked past him towards to the motel.
"You sure you don't wanna check?
"No! Let's just go!"
I was angry and I really wanted to let him feel that, but I wasn't even sure if I could blame Dean for my anger and rage.
Sure, driving around with Dean just to bring his brother home and constantly being in his presence isn't exactly Candyland, since we were always fighting but seeing Lexi today really blew me off. She'd triggered the guilt which I was burying inside of me for ages and as if that wasn't enough, she had fucking black eyes.
Oh my god... what if Lexi became a demon in hell and managed to go back to earth? That's why I didn't see her down there.
My mouth was getting dry and my throat was closing which made it pretty hard for me to breathe. I started to panic and it took Dean only seconds to realize that something was wrong.
"Sawyer? Sawyer!" He tried to calm me down by trying to get me breathe normally but I couldn't listen to him. All I could think about was how Lexi was doomed since the beginning just because of my doing. Dean started to shake me because I didn't react to his tries to calm me down. As my breathing got steadier, he sat me down on the nearest bench.
"Now tell me the truth and don't even try to give me that crap about how you didn't see anything." His look was expectant but I couldn't even bring out a full sentence so I only stammered "she... demon". As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I saw how Dean's jaw clenched and how his emotions went wild inside of his head; I hated, that I was a scared of him when he behaved like this.
"Stay here.", he mumbled and took off with a knife in his hand.

I couldn't keep track of the time; Dean could've been gone for hours and I wouldn't have noticed since my mind wasn't clear and full of guilt. All I could see was Lexi and all that blood.
A little child who ran past me and playfully yelled pulled me back into reality. I needed to get up and look for Dean, he was gone way to long. Suddenly, I remembered the knife he had in his hand and although I knew that nothing could kill a demon, I was scared that he would try to exorcise her. If he'd send her back to hell, I could never forgive myself.
I brought her so much pain, I couldn't bear to inflict more despite the fact that she was a demon now. Besides, I needed answers from her and so I ran back to the alley while I was hoping that it wasn't too late.
"Dean? Dean, where are you?"
Someone was running towards me and moments later Dean was standing in front of me breathing heavily.
"Didn't I tell you to stay back?"
"Listen, don't exorcise her! I know she's a demon and all but I need answers."
I could tell, by the look on his face, that he was confused.
"What are you talking about? Why exorcise and not kill?
"Dean you can't kill demons, that's impossible."
"Demon-killing knife." He was waving wildly with his knife.
Now I was confused but I shook it off quickly.
"Whatever... No killing and no exorcising, got it?"
"Why shouldn't I kill them? Why would you protect those bastards?
Dean was getting suspicious and I kind of understood that but why was this guy all about killing?
"Well, that's just great, let's kill everything we see before we get the chance to talk and may notice that we kill an innocent. But I get it, clearly all you can think about is killing."
"Innocent? You think those sons of bitches are innocent?"
Out of anger I shoved him and yelled at him.
"Don't fucking call her that!"
Once again, I could see how Dean had to fight with his anger and how he was close to pick up a fight but before he could do anything, I yelled at him again.
"SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND! Okay? She was my best friend and she doesn't deserve this."
Dean's eyes, which before were filled with anger, changed and for the first time I could see something warm and almost vulnerable.
"I'm sorry to hear that but Sawyer, there was no one there... And even if she was, this isn't your best friend anymore. She..."
"I fucking know that Dean! Don't treat me like a child."
"Then stop behaving like one."
I looked at him in shock but flinched as I heard Bobby's voice behind me.
"What are you two idiots doing here? Get the hell back, we have work to do!"
I was still staring into Deans eyes since he was staring into mine, but there was no sign of warmth or even sensitivity. Rather, I was now staring into these empty and angry eyes again.