Weekly writing prompts. Will write anything that comes to mind for each prompt. Each prompt will have a kpop idol or any idol in it.
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The wisdom of old age is a curse and a blessing. So many things I would do again, for pleasure or for redemption. If I could turn a dial and go back, the first thing I would do is date the man that I had loved back then in my youth. He was truly the love of my life, but it never worked for us to ever be together. I regret it every single day of my life.
The company that we were both at did not allow us to date, but when we got older we were allowed to date outside of our company. It was hard to be in love with someone I could never actually be with. I never saw it as fair that we were not allowed to date the person we loved. Even to this day I still feel regret for not taking my life into my own hands and doing what I wanted. I was young and in love. All I wanted was to feel that love back.
Soobin was my love then and will always be that for me. We secretly loved each other and when we were together that love could be felt.
The last years of our careers were the worst for us. Everytime we looked at each other there was yearning in our eyes. We yearned to be able to be together and it was hurting us to just be near each other. We were in our 30s by then. I remember our last conversation like it was yesterday.
"Do you want to get married?" Soobin had asked me. I looked around and my eyes went wide.
"Soobin, you know we can't."
"We love each other. Is that such a crime?"
"It is if we are still at this company." I told him.
"After I'm done here I want to settle down and have a family." Soobin explained to me.
"With or without me huh?"
"You don't seem to care that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so I'll find someone else to spend it with."
"You know I care so much about that. I want that too, but I don't think it's going to be possible."
"This is ridiculous. We love each other."
"Soobin, please stop." I said. Tears had been trying to force their way out of my eyes.
"Let's run away together." He had walked closer to me. So close that we could have kissed.
"Are you willing to throw our careers away for us?"
"I just want to be with you."
"We would both be lying to ourselves if we said we would throw this all away just to be together. We both love our music careers more than life itself."
"I don't want to fight about this. It clearly isn't going to work for us."
"Soobin.."
"Let's both try to forget about this and go on with our lives." He had said. I felt defeated. Nothing else I could say would make this better.
"If that's what you want." I replied. He nods.
"I hope you have a great life. I hope you find someone who loves you as much as I did." At that he left me where I stood. Tears finally ran down my cheeks. That was our end. Our love ended as fast as it had started. I should have fought harder for us.
Now Soobin has a wife and kids, while I'm living alone. He got exactly what he wanted in life. I got nothing. The person who would love me more than him was really Soobin. There was no one who would love me like he did.
My one piece of advice is that life is too short, so go after the person you love. You might regret if you don't.
