the art of falling for you (bxb)

twentyone - recovery

the art of recovery (it's worth it)

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Kareem cries himself to sleep. I don't hear him, but I could feel the heavy sobs falling out of his body in small, silent shudders. I held him close, his back pressed along my front with my chin tucked into his untamed hair. My hands rest against his chest, protecting his heart desperately and wanting nothing more than to take his pain from him.

My heart was in tatters. The look in Kareem's eyes has been heartbreaking. Despair. As though everything in his life had completely shattered into pieces. In a way, I guess, it had. I hugged him tightly, and buried my chin further into his hair, lips pressing a kiss onto the back of his head. I want nothing more in that moment to hold him in my arms forever, protect him from this callous world that had done nothing but hurt him. I have no idea how long we lay like that for, how long I spent willing the sadness out of him, but by the time I finally drift off, the sun is beginning to rise.

We'd relocated to my apartment for the night. Jem had been tasked with taking care of the dogs while I focused on Kareem.

By the time I woke up, Kareem was curled up and watching a movie on Netflix. Everything about him just screamed leave me alone so I respected his wishes and headed into the kitchen.

It didn't surprise me much to see Hendrix sat at my kitchen island, a cup of coffee in front of her as her eyes scanned over the spreadsheets I'd printed out last week.

Her gaze lifted when I shut the bedroom door, eyebrows raising as I just shook my head at her.

I headed towards the refrigerator, pulling out a bottle of water before throwing myself into the seat across from her. After a second, and a deep breath, I glanced over at Hendrix. "How are you doing?"

"Tired," Hendrix said with a small smile. "You?"

One word can carry a lot behind it.

"I'm okay, yeah." I nodded like I believed what I was saying. "I'm sorry that I haven't been working much. I'll ask Kezziah to come round tomorrow and I'll work tomorrow."

"Saint, it's fine. Honestly. Jem and Sacha are helping and you need time to take care of yourself as well as Kareem. Let me take this off your list of worries and just focus on you, okay?"

I was shaking my head before she even finished speaking, guilt clawing at my chest. "No, it's fine. I'm fine. I-"

It's what I'm supposed to say. I'm supposed to be fine, I've always been fine. And Hendrix has been going through literal hell and heartbreak and she's been saying she'd be fine. She still needs a shoulder to lean on right now, and is not supposed to be taking care of me. I'm not helping anybody by getting upset right now but I can't seem to contain it.

I can't explain it, other than it's like everything is finally catching up to me all at once. Like a riverbank breaking and the water just rushing out. The truth about Aaliyah, having seen Emery, the look on Kareem's face when his entire world stopped, the nightmares waking him up at every hour of the night, everything.

It hit me all at once and it takes everything within me to not collapse.

Digging the heels of my palms into my eyes, as if I could physically push back the tears before Hendrix noticed.

"Saint?" Hendrix spoke up from beside me, sounding uncharacteristically uncertain. "He's going to be okay, you know?"

I nodded, "I know."

"Then why..." Hendrix started before trailing off. She never really knew how to cope with situations like these. I heard her shuffling and then I felt a hand in mine. I gripped it like it was a lifeline.