When you're drunk || Karlnap

chapter fourteen

He was afraid that even if he would accept his feelings, that it would at some point still be too much for him, the fear of him leaving.

Sapnap needed time.

Time to think.

Time to accept his feelings, accept the fear that everyone has whenever they feel love.

The fear of losing a loved one.

"Are you alright"?, his voice is almost desperate, but still the worry woven between the words shines through. It brings Sapnap back into reality, back to where he was. In front of the boy who's driving him crazy, the boy who's driving his feelings crazy. Something that shouldn't happen.

Sapnap tries to get his words out. He tries to swallow the lump in his throat, to not avail. He can't get himself to say something, his mind is full of thoughts. Thoughts that are telling him to leave immediately, to leave everything behind. Especially Karl.

And that's what he did.

Sapnap pushes himself up from the counter and walks quickly out of the overcrowded house. He hears the loud music echoing in his ears, creeping up in his already way too loud head. His eyes feel heavy and he blinks a few times, to try and get rid of the blurry view he had.

The second he reached the foreyard, he took a deep breath. His green eyes fell shut instantly, just like his head that fell back into his neck. He ran his hands over his sweaty face, a sigh leaving his quivering lips afterwards. Way too much feelings were bubbling inside of him at that moment.

"Sapnap?".

He tilted his head down again and didn't turn around. He knew exactly who was running after him and he didn't had the guts to look into his face again. It'd only make everything worse.

"Sap, seriously. Are you alright?", his voice was still filled with so much worry.

"Karl...", the smaller boy's voice was just above a whisper, yet it was full of pain and fear.

Fear of what was coming next.

"I can't do this anymore", Sapnap breathed.

Karl frowned. "What?", his tone was so quiet, the pain within to reach.

"I think this might be too much a-and I think that not seeing each other for a while would be the best for us", words ran out of the smaller boy's mouth, words that he didn't even think about before. But luckily, the words were perfect for what he had wanted to say.

"I don't understand...", Sapnap heard footsteps coming closer to him and he immediately walked forwards, away from the scent of the brunet.

"Sapnap? Why are you walking away from me?", Karl sounded so uncertain, somehow so innocent.

Sapnap felt an unfamiliar pang of emotion tug at his heartstrings, something that prove him again that this was the right thing to do.

"You heard me, Karl".

And with that, the smaller boy walked quickly down the street. Karl took a step forward, he tried to reach for Sapnap again but he instantly stopped walking. It would be useless. His lip was quivering and a warm tear was running down on his flushed cheek. He quickly wiped it away, taking a deep breath afterwards.

The cold air was hitting Karl in the face, just like Sapnap just did. Not with his fist, no it was worse. He had hit him with his words, words of rejection. The brunet formed his shaking hand into a fist and opened it a few seconds later.

Sapnap was already gone in the light fog of the night. It was hard for Karl to get back inside. The feeling of hurt wasn't the only feeling that was telling him to run after him. He was also worried about him. Sapnap was walking around alone in the night, inebriated and maybe he felt the pain as well, Karl didn't know. 

What Karl also didn't know at that moment was the long version of Sapnap's story, of Sapnap's book. He did know that his parents were abusive, he wasn't dumb. His swollen side wasn't from a wardrobe. Maybe his mother believed it but not him. Well, he didn't really think that even his mother believed it but still...

If Sapnap wasn't ready yet, he needed to accept it.

Even if Sapnap would never be ready, he'd need to accept it as well.

So that's what Karl did. He swallowed down the sob that was creeping up inside his throat and he walked back inside the house, to find his friends.

And for the first time ever, Karl got drunk.

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Hey, thank you for reading chapter fourteen! I hope you like it :D Stay healthy & ily <3

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