Monster (Sequel to Who I Really Am (A Remus Lupin Love Story))

Chapter Nine

"I'm such an idiot." I admit.
"No..." Lily starts to say. "Well, maybe a little bit."
I sigh, pushing my pie around my plate with my fork. "Why couldn't I do it? He seemed ready to forgive me but I had to take that damn step backwards."
"Stop being so negative. I'm sure you'll have another chance." Lily encourages. 
"I've had too many chances already." I mumble.
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        I have never been able to conjure a full Patronus; The most I've been able to conjure up is mist, vapor. But I want to show my Defense Against the Dark Arts class that I can.
        We've been practicing Patronuses, and only Lily has managed to conjure her Corporeal Patronus; a doe. She got extra credit for it. Everyone else is like me, stuck with mist. I want to show them that I can do it, and I'd like to know what my Patronus is.
        I've decided to practice in the Room of Requirement, which has taken the form of a room with mirrors covering the walls, and a large fireplace. Lily offered to try and help me, but I turned her down. This isn't something that can be accomplished with a teacher, it's something you must learn to do by yourself.
"Expecto Patronum." I murmur, concentrating on memories of my family and I before they died; My mother reading me The Tale of the Three Brothers, my dad carrying me on his shoulders, Serenity and I baking cookies. But only mist comes out of my wand.
        I kick at the floor, trying to think of happier memories. I've been trying and trying, but nothing works. Maybe I've just never been happy enough.
        I was happy with Remus, though. I consider giving those memories a shot, but they're slightly painful around the edges. Then again, so were the ones of my family. It's worth a shot.
"Expecto Patronum." I repeat, concentrating. I think of when Remus and I went to the Christmas Ball; I think of when Remus and I kissed under the Willow; I think of when we went to the Three Broomsticks and had Butterbeers. 
        At first all I see is mist, but then something forms out of it. It trots around the room, and for a second all I can make out is four legs and fur. But then the shape solidifies, and I see that it's a small, shy wolf. I stare at it in amazement, and it turns to me for just a second before it fades away.
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"Wolf." I announce, throwing my bag onto my bed.
"What?" Lily wonders, throwing The Daily Prophet aside and sitting up on her bed.
"My Patronus is a wolf." I say. "A small, shy one, but still a wolf."
Lily's green eyes widen. "No way." She replies, climbing off of her bed. She puts her hands on my shoulders and shakes me. "Do you know what this means?!" She exclaims.
"Uh-"
"It's meant to be." She says. "It has to be. Well, I already guessed that, but now it has to be true. Just like me and James."
"How do you know that Remus's Patronus is a wolf or a werewolf? And James' could be something else besides a stag."
"Don't ruin the moment." Lily scolds. "This might be your chance. Tomorrow in Defense Against the Dark Arts, you'll cast your Patronus, and hopefully Remus will see it. Then he'll realize that it's a wolf and that you're meant to be. Then you'll live happily ever after."
I shake my head. 'Things don't work that way. At least, not for me."
"Don't ruin it." Lily sighs.
"I'll try not to."