Proses with its Roses

&&. 23

&&.

maybe, the biggest talent i have is being silent when i have so much to shout in the whole world.

when i was a kid, whenever my mom would wipe an alcohol in my wound, i just bit my lower lip and closed my eyes even though i wanted to shout because it doesn't feel nice. it's so painful.

when i got an injection last time i caught a dengue virus, i didn't shout too even though i'm afraid of injections. instead, i grabbed the nurse's wrist and held it. the nurse scolded me a bit that time and told me that i shouldn't have strengthen my arms since it might affect the injection's doing.

when i had my first crush in high school, i saw him hanging out with my friend. they were wearing our school uniform that time and were heading to the canteen. i even heard that he was going to treat her so i asked why and he told me that he was courting her. i cried that night and i badly wanna pull my friend's hair because she knew i liked him but she still has the courage to flirt back with him.

when i grew up and started to experience anxiety, stress, and worst, depression, i just remained in my room. i locked myself the whole day and just face the wall, doing nothing but staring it. God knows how i badly wanna scream but i chose not to, i just cried and cried until my tears dried up.

so you see, the biggest talent i have is being silent when i have so much to shout in the whole world but sometimes, i just wish for someone who's willing to listen my rants but nothing came or nothing is just meant to do so. that's all.