love on the horizon

New Perspective

Meanwhile, Ernie woke up in a daze. The light was filtering through the window with a really soft warmth, and it was making the blanket on top of him really, really cozy. Honestly, Ernie felt like a cat the way the warmth was making him want to snooze. A few times, he conceded, and did close his eyes for about five minutes more, all the while thinking no thoughts. Bert seemed to have left somewhere. He really was just enjoying the morning.

Until, of course, the memories and emotions of yesterday came flooding back. All of a sudden he remembered that he was responsible for breaking up with the girlfriend he had been infatuated with for over a month. And how shitty he had been to Bert, who adjusted to that loneliness way too quickly. Seriously, how lonely was he before they met? It was almost scary to think about the isolation Bert went through, that Ernie contributed to. Now Ernie felt awful. He really did need to fix this. But the blanket was still warm, and Ducky had climbed on top of him to snooze, so there was nothing he could do in that moment but think. Which was good, because he had been wanting a moment alone to think for the past couple days.

This switch of Ernie's emotions had somewhat startled him, and he needed to process. He had been head over heels for Abby less than a week ago. He had been just drowning in adoration, and feeling a passion he had never felt in his entire life. It was almost as if he was drugged, how blissfully submerged he had been. And in one moment, the bubble popped. The worst part was that there wasn't one thing that did it. They were literally sitting in her room, both on their phones, her head on his lap while he stroked her hair. And he looked down at her, full of love... and then it just stopped. For just a split second, he thought about how he didn't like her nose shape, and it was like the whole thing came crumbling down. She was ugly by no means, ever, but the illusion of her perfection went away. As his feelings vanished, he was left feeling gross. He could now feel the grease of her scalp on his fingers as he stroked her head. He could feel her moist breath on his leg, and the jab of her elbow into his side. It wasn't pleasant anymore.

Honestly, it was hard to describe. Ernie had no idea that feelings could just be lost like that. The thought terrified him. What if he fell in love like that again, and then one day, years down the line, he simply loses all feelings? What an awful position to be in. But this sudden reversal sparked the question of whether or not Ernie had loved her at all. Sure, he was infatuated, but was that love? Was he destined for short whirlwind romances his whole life? Had he ever truly loved anyone before? All these insecurities bubbled to the surface. Ernie felt that there was something deeply wrong with him.

Like, had anyone ever made him feel warm the way this blanket and sunlight did? And where did this blanket even come from? Bert must have put it on him. He must have seen Ernie passed out on the couch and decided to carry his blanket over from his bed to tuck Ernie in. This made Ernie smile. Bert might be cold, but he really was the most doting person Ernie had ever met. Now Ernie was feeling warmer just thinking about how well Bert took care of him. It seemed like Bert was the only person that could give Ernie that core warmth he was wondering about. He wished he could find a female equivalent to Bert.

Bert had always made him feel warm. He was so cute in the way he pretended to have a bad attitude as a lame excuse for masking his insecurities. Ernie was the only person that could sometimes break that exterior. Sometimes, when Ernie made a joke that was crude, Bert would turn away and pretend he wasn't laughing, but Ernie saw his shoulders shake, and he knew he was. He could make Bert laugh a real, big laugh at a frequency Ernie was pretty sure no one else would ever achieve. He would smile this small, but somehow huge smile that filled up the room, like the sun. Bert's mouth was small, so his smile didn't make his face stretch like Ernie's, but Bert's eyes would crinkle in this really cute way that just radiated joy. 

In reaction to these thoughts, Ernie actually laughed out loud, which snapped him out of his own thoughts as the silence of the apartment broke. Why was he laughing over Bert? Bert was cute, and he made him feel warm, but he didn't like him like that.

Well... could he? He actually never thought about it seriously before. Ernie absolutely knew he liked women, but he had never felt all that adverse about men, either. Anyone's face could twist in pleasure in that delicious way, so it truly didn't matter what gender they identified as. Like Bert. What if he somehow got Bert into bed and made his face twist like that? Oh, god. Ernie could picture it perfectly. He had been around Bert long enough to know every movement of his face, and like a computer AI, he could predict what he would look like with perfect clarity.

Ernie had just realized a new goal. He really, really, really wanted to see Bert's face look like that in real life. Which he guessed meant he liked Bert. Which was still a little confusing, because this was different than what Ernie felt with Abby. With Abby, he had felt this magnetic pull, and they had almost rushed to complete the checklist of impulses they both had (like, they-bought-rope-less-than-a-week-after-realizing-their-feelings type of rushing). This was different. Ernie was pining, and it was for something he couldn't have. It was a little uncomfortable, knowing he would probably feel this frustration forever, and very, very often while he was still living with Bert. God, how was he going to look at Bert normally now that he knew that image in his brain would flash every chance it got? 

Speaking of, where the hell was Bert? It was daytime, but it was early, and usually Bert would be taking a shower or making breakfast or something by now. Could he still be sleeping in his room? Well, the door was open, so no. Not knowing when Bert was going to come back was really making him start to panic, because what if he came back before Ernie had fully composed himself again? He needed to start immediately. He was such a mess, he was already pining for his best friend, and he hadn't even broken up with his girlfriend yet. Everything was falling apart around him. He groaned and massaged his temples.

Right then, the front door clicked as Bert unlocked it, and then opened it to step inside. 

Ernie saw Bert step in, face flushed from the cold, cheeks rosy, bundled in a scarf and a beanie. It was adorable.

Bert saw Ernie, still on the couch, messy hair and a sleepy face, with warm light washing over everything from the window behind him. It was beautiful. 

For a moment they just stared into each others eyes, each with a new perspective. They were trying not to be obvious about it, because it was a deep secret for both of them, but it didn't work. Luckily, they were both so occupied with their own feelings that they didn't even notice how obvious the other man was. The air in the apartment had changed, and each of them hoped it was only in their head. It wasn't.

Even when Bert clears his throat and they stop staring, there's this uncomfortable feeling in the air that both of them find somewhat pleasant. The light beaming through the window gets more intense.