love on the horizon

Please Don't Piss Me Off

Despite their mutual worry about each other, the two roommates generally conducted their respective business silently. Sure, they barely talked, but they both preferred it that way. The one thing they actually both agreed on was that they didn't want to fight. Actually, they both had the same passive stance on the matter: if there was going to be war at home, the other guy was going to have to start it. Ultimately, they had resigned themselves to having a shitty first-year roommate they were just going to have to deal with. They would survive to tell the tale. 

It wasn't all bad. Sometimes, when one of them felt a surge of goodwill, they would do something nice. Was it to fuel their sense of self-superiority over the other? Maybe. But that doesn't take away from the fact that, despite their initial contempt, they were growing on each other.

It all started on the first day of actual class. Bert, of course, was up early. He made breakfast, went on a morning run, showered, put on a good outfit, the whole nine. And, when he saw there were only two eggs left, Bert popped an extra piece of toast in the toaster and made Ernie some breakfast. Pleased with himself, he sat back and waited for Ernie to emerge because of the alluring scent. Immediately after, though, he realized how embarrassing that would be, so he quickly finished his food, put his plate in the sink, grabbed his backpack, and left for class.

The truth was, Ernie did smell the breakfast. However, since Bert had made breakfast every single morning for the past week, this didn't really phase him. He saw that he had set his alarm not to go off for another half hour, and by god was Ernie going to take full advantage of that precious time to sleep. 

By the time Ernie finally did get up and trudged into the kitchen, the food was cold. Nonetheless, his eyes widened and he realized that this food must be for him. Truth be told, Ernie hadn't eaten breakfast since the day his mom made some before he left, and he was starting to miss it. Ernie never had to make himself breakfast consistently before, and it was proving to be a little overwhelming so far. Ernie decided to savor every bite despite how non-fresh it was, and his image of his cold roommate warmed a bit. When he went to clean his plate and put it back, he noticed that Bert's was in the sink, probably because Bert didn't have time to clean it before class. Full of goodwill himself, and a little bit of guilt to get even, Ernie washed all the dishes. After all, he did have a little bit of time before his first class, which was almost two hours after  Bert's first class (of course). What idiot signs up for 8 am classes? Anyway, after washing all the dishes, Ernie felt that this exchange was even, and set out to his own class.

After a long day of syllabus reading, Bert came back to the apartment. He didn't feel like making dinner, so he had picked up a burrito for himself. Before he could eat it, though, he was going to have to do the dishes. Bert refused to ever eat on dirty counters. When looking at the small kitchen, though, there were no dirty dishes in sight. They were all stacked neatly in the drying rack, decidedly not where Bert had left them this morning. Ernie must have done them after finishing his meal. He even wiped down the counters. Bert found himself smiling. He might be an insolent brat, but I guess he does have some manners. And unexpectedly, Bert got to immediately sit down and devour his meal. It put him in a good mood, and Ernie, in his mind, finally had a somewhat good image.

An image that was immediately soured a day later when Bert made the mistake of glancing into Ernie's room, that was actually more of a pigsty. For some reason, this filled Bert with rage. Why was he still not unpacked? Why were his clothes all over the floor? Why were there so many empty cups on his dresser? He should at least have the decency to close his door if he was going to leave his room that messy. Bert decided he couldn't stand for this. This was where he would draw the line. As soon as the unassuming Ernie stepped foot into the apartment, Bert was prepared with his speech.