Happiness [GakuenBabysitters]

Chapter 5 Falling apart

After classes were over we had our dismissal and i immediately rushed to the place, it was the same place she said to go when she and i started dating.

I din't think she would end it here as well..

When i got there i saw her standing beside a tree..

"Ryuu-kun your here"she let out a little chuckle with her smile
"I-I've been waiting..." her smile starts to fade a little while she stuttered

"Yes im here what do you want to talk about?"

She looked down on the ground i noticed water dripping, it was tears

"H-hey whats wrong?" I got closer to her and tried to comfort her
"Im sorry, Im sorry- but i don't think this is going well"

I stood there for a minute
what she said next hit me like a truck

"Im so selfish, im so so selfish im sorry Ryuu-kun, but i don't want to share you with anyone else. And i can't accept your love if its only half of it"

"I love you i love you so much Ryuuichi!
When i saw you talk about your brother i saw how much you love him, and how much he depended on you, i knew i had to do this"

"I don't want to cause problems to your relationship with Your brother so im backing down. always be a good brother Kashima you were a great boyfriend but your a far more greater brother"

"I hope someday you can find someone who will accept you completely. goodbye Kashima"

She said that before walking away

I just stood there head empty, just looking at the ground

Everyone is eventually going to leave me huh?.. No exceptions
Even you? Kotarou? Kamita--

I trailed of when
I saw a tall figure he was walking away to the school gates
It was him. in some part of my heart i wanted him to be here for me as a friend but lately it seems like he's having more fun without me being an embarrassment and hassle for him.

Saikawa had already picked up kotarou so i only had to go home i din't feel like talking much after that but i don't want saikawa kotarou or obaa-san to worry about me so i need to act like everything is okay.

Once i got home i tried my best to hide how upset i was and waved of their attempts to try and ask me. We had dinner like usual. I and kotarou excused ourselves and i got kotarou ready for bed, he din't ask for me to read a book, i guess he was really tired from today.

I was looking through the room when i thought that i dont really know much in this room i was looking everywhere maybe there could be some secrets here
When i got to bedside table i looked in there and saw a shiny piece of metal it was thin as paper. I picked it up with my two fingers pointer and thumb but i wasn't carefull with how much force i put into holding it and cutted myself.
I felt pain and relief at the same time i was satisfied and felt happy.

I remembered that i had to take a shower and immediately went to the bathroom with my little 'Friend'
I kept wondering how would it feel like? How would it feel like for this small peice of metal to graze my wrist?. I looked at the mirror then back at my hands, one with the razor and the other waiting for me. I wanted to feel that sensation of releif again and again and again.

I set the razor on top of my wrist then moved. The pain was overwhelmed my the releif, a tear was fast to drop from my eye but blood was faster to reach the floor. I stood there with my wrist beside me and let the blood drop for about a minute. Before deciding that one time wasn't enough and prepared myself to give myself another cut right below the first one. I moved
"O-ow... Hehe"