Perennial Love

56. Deja vu

I squeezed my eyes shut when I felt a piercing light fall on my eyes but it immediately went away and I smiled, slipping back into my sleep. The light shone again and I frowned but it was put off again. I groaned and turned to the other side, pulling the quilt closer to me and sighed in relief.

"Good morning..." I heard a soft whisper in my ears and my eyes flung open instantly. I turned to my back and saw his smiling face hovering over mine. I frowned and blinked my eyes several times, trying to recall anything that might have happened for him to do this but didn't find any. As far as I remember, we slept on non-talking-terms with each other? My frown deepened as he pulled away and I sat on the bed, resting my back against the headboard, every bit of sleep vanishing into thin air.

"What are you-" I was quietened by his finger which pressed down on my lips and this very little act of his made my heart race all over again. Why does he have such an effect on me? He sat down in the small space on the bed beside my legs, his finger still in place.

"You will listen to me now... I want you to listen to me this time before jumping to conclusions yourself." He said and I nodded after which he retreated his finger. He sighed and looked away for a few seconds before he looked back at me. I couldn't look into his eyes due to embarrassment and I immediately averted my eyes. The hurt and even somewhere, the anger of him rejecting me surfacing back.

"I want to talk about yesterday..." He trailed off, my eyes training back to him and he was looking down at his fingers on his thigh. He heaved a deep breath and held my palm into his. I wanted to remove in from there but his grip was strong, strong enough to keep mine there without hurting me. I eyed our hands and him and looked away, gulping down my words which would probably hurt him. Let me hear what he has to say. After all, even I want to know why did he do that.

"I... I am sorry Pia. I am sorry." He whispered and it seemed like it was heartfelt but what was the apology for? For denying to go further or for us making out? His words melted me and I slowly looked into his eyes, searching for answers to my questions. His deep dark orbs hypnotizing me and I could see all of his love for me, keeping mine locked in there. I didn't realize that tears escaped down my eyes until I felt him wipe them with his other hand and a feeling of guilt took over his features.

"Hey, please don't cry because of me." He mumbled softly, scooting closer to me and I took my eyes off him. I looked at nothing in particular and waited for him to speak further.

"I... I am not ready for it yet." He said and I shrugged, the obvious fact now after yesterday's incident.

"I realised that the last night." I replied and my voice came out more bitter than intended. His grip on my palm tightened and he joined his other hand there too...

"Why?" I asked, my voice breaking and I gulped my own saliva to wet my dry throat. I was still not looking at him, the humiliation from yesterday overpowering my senses.

"Aren't you attracted to me? Don't you feel the tension between us? Am I not desirable enough for you? Do you think I am not good enough? Is my virginity bothering you? Are you sorry for our makeout and-" I was cut short by his lips which slammed upon mine, knocking the air out of my lungs. I felt his hand on my nape, pulling my face even closer and even before I could comprehend anything, my lips were moving along with his soft ones. He was kissing me with so much tenderness that all of my thoughts melted right away. The kiss was slow yet passionate one. We parted, breathing heavily and he rested his forehead against mine. Our short gasps mixing between us, fanning each others' faces.

"Never... Never ever say those things again." He whispered between his short breaths and I closed my eyes, trying to calm my crazy heartbeat.

"I said it before and and I will say it again that I will never ever regret kissing you or anything above it too... You virginity holds no importance to me as long as you are here." He mumbled, cupping my face between his palms and wiping a traitor tear that escaped my eyes. He lifted my head up, forcing me to look into his moist eyes.