That Little Space Between Never And Ever [completed]

♡ Part 10 ♡

Charlie and I drove home together. He knew the whole story because I had told him everything. When Lando told me it wouldn't work between us and when I left the hotel I called Charlie. He had come to me right away and we met in the parking lot. Everyone was already on the track so it was empty there. When Charlie got to the parking lot, he looked really worried. I told him everything and of course I cried again. He had drawn me closer and hugged me. I felt safe in his arms and put my head on his chest. He held me tight and kissed my head. When I felt a bit better we went to the camping field. We had broken up our tent and packed all our luggage. Now we were already driving in the Netherlands. I hadn't said much during the ride so far. I was staring out the window, still crying. "Is there anything I can do for you?" Charlie asked. "Do you have anything I can demolish? Or can you let Lando make a different decision? If not, no, nothing." I said and he shook his head. "Is that really what you want?" I still looked out the window and tried to speak without crying again. "He was right about what he said... it doesn't work between us, but... I don't know, he's important to me?" Charlie turned off the radio and turned slightly towards me. "Yeah, I really think he's important to you. I mean, when was the last time you really thought about a boy?" I couldn't remember either. "Well, Lando must be a nice guy, I can agree, but how he treated you wasn't that nice. You deserve so much better than that boy.""What if I don't want someone else?" I said softly. I didn't mean for Charlie to hear what I said, but he did. "I understand you feel that way for now, but maybe that will change over time. Please promise me one thing." I looked at him questioningly. What did he want me to promise him? "Don't call him okay? No messages, no stalking on Instagram, just no contact. You will only torture yourself with it. He made his decision, all you can achieve with it is an annoyed Lando and a broken heart for yourself.""My heart is already broken." He ignored what I said. Can you get a broken heart without love, I wondered. "Just promise.""Promise." I answered after a few seconds. We were both silent for a while. Charlie turned the radio back on and sang along softly to one of Post Malone's greatest hits.

Then I picked up my phone. Charlie looked up to see what I was doing, but his eyes soon turned back to the highway. I opened my Instagram and went to Lando's account. I stared at his profile picture for a few seconds. I wanted to scroll through his photos, but I stopped myself in time. It would only get more difficult if I looked at him or thought longer about what I was going to do. Charlie looked at me from the side. "Olivia..." He said, but I ignored it. My finger floated above that one button. A notification came up on my screen when I clicked it. I read it quickly.
Block @Landonorris? This user cannot find your account, posts or stories on Instagram. Instagram will not let this person know that you blocked him/her.
Before I could think about it any longer, I clicked the 'block' button. I closed my Instagram and went to the contacts in my phone. It hurt so much to do but I also blocked his phone number. Now there was no way to reconnect. Charlie put his hand on my leg. "I know it hurts for now, but I'm sure it's the best decision. It's very strong of you that you did this. Of course I don't know how you feel, but I understand that you feel anything except of good right now." He said sweetly to me. I smiled weakly at him and put my hand on his. I felt so damn empty, like this was when I really lost him. We were out of touch by now. I couldn't call him anymore, messages wouldn't arrive if he would ever send me one. We would never talk again, we would never see each other again, I would think about him every second of every day, but he wouldn't think about me for a second. Tears streamed down my cheeks again. I turned up the volume on the radio and leaned my head against the window. With my eyes closed I listened to the music and tried to think about everything except Lando. I thought of nothing but Lando.

I must have fallen asleep because the next moment we arrived at our hometown. "Hey, did you sleep well?" Charlie asked me. "Apparently." I pushed myself a little and looked out the window. "Should I take you to Chloe or-""May I please come with you?" I interrupted him. "I can handle Ryan and James." I said with a faint smile on my face. Charlie lived in a dorm with two other boys. I've been there before, there is enough room for an extra person and Ryan and James were very nice to me. I got along well with Ryan in particular. "Okay, you can come with me if that's what you want." Charlie agreed. "I'm going to call Chloe so she knows I won't be sleeping with them tonight." I said and picked up my phone again. Scrolling through my contacts, I saw Lando's name in the list. A tear rolled down my cheek, followed by more tears. Instead of Chloe, I was going to call someone else. Charlie looked at my phone and saw the contact I had opened. "Olivia, don't do this. Just don't. You will only feel worse after this call." He begged. "That bitch needs to know what she did. She couldn't have done this without any consequences. She broke me, she ruined me, she made Lando hate me, she, she..." I felt it was going to go wrong again. I couldn't think straight, I had no idea how to breathe. My hands felt strange and my whole body was shaking. It felt like someone was pulling me under the water. I heard a distant voice. "Hey, Olivia, it's me, Charlie." My brother said. "Everything will be fine, believe me. Look at me." I tried to do as he said but I couldn't see things clearly, everything was blurry. I only half understood what he was saying. "Just breathe, breathe with me Olivia. All you have to do is breathe." He took my hand and squeezed it gently. I squeezed his hand as if it were a life preserver. My only salvation. I was totally panicked. My whole body felt strange, my breath was too high, I couldn't think. "I can't, I..." I tried to say. I felt someone grab my shoulders. The person put something in front of my mouth. Little by little, my breath returned to normal. The blur slowly disappeared and my head seemed to be no longer submerged. Sounds came back in. Charlie looked into my eyes and smiled at me. "Hey, are you okay." I had to blink a few times before I could see everything clearly again. He took a plastic bag from my face and brushed a strand of hair from my face with his hand. "Yes, I think so..." I said doubtfully. I slumped back into my chair and stared out the window. We were on the fast lane, Charlie had apparently parked the car there. It almost went wrong again... I hated that I couldn't get myself under control. How hard is it? Breathe in, breathe out, relax, think normally. All things that come naturally to everyone are so terribly difficult for me. Any random normal situation could feel like climbing the highest mountain to me. Giving a presentation in class, having to work together, asking a question in a supermarket... I had been just as terrified, afraid that it would go completely wrong again. A year ago... A year ago I was taken away in an ambulance. It was in college. I had a discussion with someone, I felt that it was going wrong, it seemed as if all the oxygen had disappeared... I was totally panicked, nothing worked. All my professors knew about all my bugs, but the normal tricks didn't work. The ambulance had arrived, I was taken to hospital. I didn't get much of it, because I was half of the world. All I remember is how awful I felt, how scared, how alone. I was ashamed because I could not function normally. After that day was also the first time that I had hurt myself. The physical pain was so much more tolerable than mental pain. The pain subsided in the panic and it was the only way I could control myself. I've always been afraid of losing control and I still am. I didn't calm down that day until Charlie arrived at my hospital room. It was as if all the clouds had disappeared, the fog cleared, I came down to earth again. Crying I had thrown myself into his arms. We had sat there for about half an hour, he had been so patient, he was just there for me. Just like now. I hadn't even noticed, but tears were running down my cheeks. He pulled me towards him and I leaned against him. His hands stroking my back were soothing. We didn't say anything for the rest of the ride home, but he was there and that was enough.

"Hey, how are you?" Ryan asked me when we got to their house. We hugged and then I hugged James too. "Not great, you know." I replied, smiling weakly at them. They were four years older than me, just like Charlie. Ryan was the youngest, he turned 25 only a few weeks ago. "Can I take a shower?" I asked Charlie. "I look terrible and smell disgusting."''Yes of course. You can take it upstairs in the bathroom.'' I looked at him gratefully and walked upstairs with my bags. I dropped everything on the floor in the guest bedroom and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked disgusted. Luckily I hadn't applied any makeup this morning, but my hair was a mess, my eyes were red, and my whole face was filled with smudges. I took off my clothes and turned on the shower. It felt wonderful when I was under the warm water jets. I wish all the shit from the last few days and the last year, the last quite a long time, could disappear along with the water in the well. After like fifteen minutes I finally turned off the shower. It was terribly cold when I got out of the cabin and I quickly wrapped a towel around my body. When I finished drying, I put on some sports leggings and a hoodie. I tied my hair in a messy bun on top of my head and left the bathroom. I lay down on the bed and picked up my phone. I had a few notifications and quickly reviewed them all. Most of them were snapchats, but there was also a DM. Before I opened it, I messaged Chloe.

Olivia: Hi! I'm already home, I'm now with my brother. I'm not coming to you today, sorry xx

She came online right away and replied to my message within a minute.

Chloe: Did something happen? I'm always there for you baby💋💋Olivia: Yes something did happen, I'll tell you all later, okay?😘

I closed my WhatsApp and went to Instagram to check out the DM. It was Helen's and I smiled when I saw what she had sent me.

Helen Crossley: Hey Olivia, how are you? I heard the whole story from Carlos... I understand how you must feel now. Lando is just stupid for letting you go, believe me! 😉 I'm here if you want to talk.

This was so sweet! We didn't even really know each other and had only spent a few minutes together, yet she took the trouble to message me. I replied that I was back home and thanked her for taking care of me. I turned on my stomach and opened Lando's Instagram profile. I was staring at his profile picture and the 'unblock' button looked so tempting. Before I could make up my mind, someone knocked on the door and entered the room, it was Ryan. "Hey, I just wanted to see if you're okay." He said and walked over to me. He was holding something in his hands. "I just showered and now I feel a little bit better." I said. "What's that?" I pointed to the thing he was holding. He held it out to me. It was a bag of chips. "Heartbreakers?" He sat down on the bed next to me. He looked a little embarrassed. "Uh, yeah... You looked like you'd like a snack." I slowly shook my head, this was so ironic. "They are my favorite." I said to him. "And my heart is broken too so yeah, that's appropriate." I said and a mocking laugh escaped from my throat, quickly covering my mouth with my hand. "I'm so sorry Olivia. What happened, I didn't even know you had a boyfriend. You never talk about boys, you hate them, right?""I have neither nor had a boyfriend. I don't feel like talking about it...""That's fine, of course. I'm sorry I asked about it. I'll leave you alone.'' He smiled at me nicely. "You don't have to." I said quickly and patted the bed next to me. "There's plenty of room and plenty of chips here." I threw the television remote at him and he lay down on the bed next to me. He kept enough distance between us and turned on a movie when I told him to choose one. We watched it together while we ate the chips. Apparently I fell asleep. He was careful not to wake me up and went from the bed. He'd put a blanket over me, turned off the light, and left me alone.

Hii guys! Hopefully you like that there is already a new part online :) I want to thank you for all the support and all the sweet messages. It really motivates me and without you this story would never have gotten this big and maybe I would have already given up. Let me know what you think about it and if you want you can also leave some predictions :) Lots of love and all the best to all of you xx