La Maison 5: Darkness (Complete: mxm BDSM)

Chapter 10.2

A/N: some more emotional abuse going on here

Gabriel curled on his bed. His back stung a little more than usual today, and he couldn't reach to apply cream, though Master had left him with some. He'd managed to get it on the back of his thighs and his shoulders, but parts of his back were unreachable and still smarting with throbbing intensity.

He needed it. The pain. He'd finally allowed himself to accept what Sawyer had known, and been telling him, all along. He didn't simply like it. It was something that had lain dormant for so long, and now it was released there was no putting it back in its box.

He just wished the aftermath didn't leave him feeling so empty. Worthless. He knew Sawyer wasn't a hugger – didn't like much contact at all actually, unless it was a slap to the face, or ass – but anything might have helped. A ruffle of the hair, or a concerned hand on the shoulder. Anything.

He knew it was too much to ask, though. Too greedy to expect when Master gave him so much that he wanted. And he wasn't asked for very much in return. Master liked to use his throat, but not all that often, so he always had chance to recover.

Master was training him up on the other things though. Said he didn't want him recovered. Wanted him to get used to building layers of hot stripes across his skin, day by day. It felt wrong. Still now. Under it feeling so good. Gabriel wondered whether it would ever feel anything but conflicted for him, but he went along with it, with guilt in his heart at how much he was beginning to crave it. Master had called it impact play. He'd laugh at how much Gabriel loved it. Called him an adorable whore. Play didn't always feel like the right word, though, especially when Sawyer lost the fond twinkle in his eye when he said it. Spoke with a sneer, all fondness burned away.

The whip was one of Sawyer's favorites, though Gabriel didn't like the way it often cut his skin, because he couldn't get to the dripping wounds to tend them, so he worried one might get infected, especially because Master liked to show off his skills by reopening the same ones. Of course, Gabriel didn't hate the pain of it – though the whip was the sharpest thing he felt, like knives – but he didn't want to scar. Sawyer had laughed when he'd mentioned it, called him a silly boy and said he didn't go deep enough, but Gabriel had examined them as best he could by twisting to see in the mirror, and thought at least two were looking red round the edges, like they might not heal properly.

Gabriel liked being spanked best, because it was the best way to get Sawyer's hands stroking over his skin – he knew it was because Sawyer liked the burn of hot flesh, because he'd say a lot of things about it – but Gabriel didn't mind telling himself he was checking he was okay, too.

Gabriel liked the other things too – the belt, the crop, the cane, even the clips and pegs – to varying degrees, though they all came with that wonderful spark in his brain. It could be caused by a sharp, stinging crack, or a thudding force. Gabriel wasn't bothered by which it was, just by how amazing it made him feel in the moment, floating on the sensation. That seemed to make Master happy. He'd do that thing where he'd laugh, and call Gabriel desperate, and needy, and whorish, but Gabriel barely let the words swim past his brain when he was like that, and it made Sawyer happy, so he continued to accept those words.

But he couldn't lay around all day, thinking about the things Sawyer had shown him over the last days and weeks. He had to move eventually, straightening his back with a wince. The skin felt too small, and it was this after effect that made him doubt a lot of the things his body seemed to like. Except for the occasional pleasurable twang of hot, tight skin, he didn't like how broken it made him feel – physically as well as in his mind.

He knew he was overthinking, though.

He couldn't decide what Sawyer's motivation was, and he didn't dare ask. Sometimes, Sawyer made him feel like he was flying – and not just when they played, not that kind of flying. Just a sense of happiness and being cared for – and cared about. When he told Gabriel he'd done well. Or when Gabriel caught him watching with a warmth in his eyes that was missing most of the time.