s t r e a m {SAPNAP}

- 28 -

BEE POV

***

AUGUST 26TH

Within hours, everything was back to normal. There was definitely an increase in BeeNap tweets, and every time I went onto Wattpad to read Harry Potter fanfictions, a new DNF or LibNap fic was recommended to me.

It was true that I had read Vertigo. I really enjoyed it, too. I mean, it was weird to read something about me, but it was still good. Imagine your best friend sending you a long, detailed story that she'd written, surrounding you and your crush who sits next to you in third period English. Imagine the awkwardness--but then imagine still reading it anyways because you want to see how realistic it would be. That's what it was like for me to read Vertigo.

I went to work around noon, feeling light on my feet and overall happy. I had the 12-9 shift, and while I was not looking forward to it, all I'd be doing was cutting pizzas and yelling at employees, getting paid ten dollars and hour.

It was surprising, I think, to my coworkers to see me so happy. I didn't care when they turned their backs and spoke about me in hushed tones. I didn't care when they stuck their legs out in attempts to break my happy-go-lucky stride. I didn't care when they rolled their eyes or gave me an attitude or called me a bitch to my face.

I was happy. I didn't care what they said about it.

My shifts over the next few days were long and hard. I stared distastefully at the schedule, seeing a long, ten hour double shift on my birthday. If I had plans, I would've protested, but I just accepted it and walked the other way.

I woke on the thirtieth to a handful of messages from my friends, wishing me a happy birthday. Twitter overflowed with love. I spent the first few minutes of my day repeating a thank you to everyone I could.

I wondered if Nick remembered it was my birthday. I mean, it wasn't like I cared. I didn't particularly care for my birthday either. It was just a reminder of everything in my life that had happened. I mean, my dad died a week before my sixteenth birthday, my mom died two weeks after my seventeenth. Perhaps 30 was just an unlucky number for me.

I tried to ignore that. I wasn't going to let my anxiety ruin the good mood I'd been in. I walked to the bathroom and took my medication.

I'd started taking my medication again after my nightmare in May. I was still doing alright, and wasn't nearly as suicidal as I used to be. But I took it for good measure. I took it to make sure I stayed happy. To make sure I stayed calm. It was cynical, but it worked for me.

I swallowed my pills with a dixie cup of water.

I made breakfast. I was supposed to get to the store at eleven, so I still had plenty of time to enjoy my day.

Hell, I even texted Alex.

Me:
Did Nick die or something

Alex:
Wdym?

Me:
he hasn't answered any of my texts this morning
idk
did he tell you he was scheduling his death for today or something?

Alex:
Nah
He scheduled his death for the 25th
but you didn't kill him so
that's good

Me:
wait did you have something to do with that thing
during the stream

Alex:
whoops sorry, mi madre is calling me
I have no idea what you're talking about
sorry

Me:
GOD I HATE YOU

Alex:
happy birthday;)

Me:
don't wink at me you whore

Well, if Alex didn't know what was up with Nick, no one would. I tried not to think about it. But we had a streak on SnapChat, and if he broke it, I would personally drive to his house and make him send streaks back. I was competitive when it came to things like this.

I pulled on my work clothes and straightened my nametag in the mirror. Ugh. Only ten.

I tried to pick up a few things around my place, but decided it was useless. It wasn't like my apartment was necessarily dirty or messy, but there were boxes everywhere, and a shit ton of dried out sharpies.

September was getting closer. I refused to go back on my decision to go to North Dakota. So I started packing my things up. I'd transferred my classes for the next two semesters online. I was ready. Maybe this was the next chapter of my life.

I stacked up the boxes I'd already packed and taped, then pushed the empty ones into the closet, out of my way. Already, my apartment looked sad and empty. Nothing hung on the walls. Henry curled on the couch, looking out of place. My shoulders sank.

Was this what I wanted?

Lydia messaged me, and I forgot about those second thoughts.

Aunt Lydia:
Happy Birthday!! Cannot wait to see you again pretty girl!! Tom, the boy from up the road, has been asking about u! Told him you'd be here soon!

Me:
Thank you! ...Love you:) tell Tom I say hi

I locked my apartment door behind me and started to walk down the road to the Pizza Palace. I had taken to walking a lot more. I enjoyed it.

As the restaurant neared, I braced myself for the business of the day.

I imagined how the place would look if I wasn't there. I felt like I was the string holding the store together. When I left, would it all crash and burn?

How much of my life in Texas would crash and burn when I left?