s t r e a m {SAPNAP}

- 27 -

BEE POV

***

AUGUST 25TH

I said goodbye to my stream a lot earlier than I had intended, but I couldn't get Nick's voice out of my head.

My finger hovered over the video call button. Did I want to see his face?

Did I even know how I felt about it? Would I call him, angry, or would I call him and confess my feelings? I didn't even know my own feelings towards him, let alone what he'd said.

I decided not to FaceTime him. Instead, I hit the phone button and waited for him to pick up. I chewed on my lip, picking at the skin and earning small, paining cracks in it's place. He answered--but did not speak.

"Nick?" I said. I checked my phone. I'd definitely dialed the right number.

"Bee," He finally spoke.

"Want to explain what just happened?" I closed my eyes and leaned backwards in my chair. In the moment, I felt like I was flying, both emotionally and literally. No, actually, figuratively, I felt like Icarus, falling from the sky into the ocean.

"Not particularly," He laughed awkwardly. I wanted to kick him.

"Why?"

It was the only thing I could get out.

"Why? Why, 'why'?"

"Is this a prank?" I said. I hoped to God it was a prank. Something for content.

I heard Nick hesitate.

"No," he finally mumbled.

My heart wanted to sink and fly at the same time. I eyed the bins strewn around my room. Could he have done this at a worse time?

"Then why? Why now? Why during my stream? Why do you do these things with me? Everyday you pull some stupid shit, and I have to question my sanity. And now, finally, when I have managed to get over you and admit that nothing is there, you say it. You just spill it out, while I'm live, so you can see my fucking reaction. So MILLIONS of people can see my reaction. Is that what you like?" I start to cry, although I try to not let him know that. "Why now? Why now, you fucking bastard?"

I cried as quietly as I could.

"In my defense," I hear him say. "You finished the quote."

"That doesn't matter!" I shot back. "It doesn't matter because what I said was true! Fuck, Nicholas! If I loved you less maybe it would be fucking easier to talk about this. If I loved you less, maybe I wouldn't be crying right now. If I loved you less, maybe you wouldn't have felt the need to shatter my heart in front of all those people. If I loved you less--" I choked out a sob.

"I didn't think--"

"No, you really didn't. Or did you think about it? Did you think about it long enough to find the right time to call me? Did you think about it long enough that you had a script of what you wanted to say? I bet you were reading right off of A03, huh? Right from that stupid fucking fanfiction."

"No...Bee, please..." Nick tries to speak.

"Don't fucking call me Bee. My friends call me Bee. You can call me Elisa." I spit out, pain dripping from my tongue like venom.

"Millions of people who follow us call you Bee--"

"And yet right now I consider them better friends than you."

I fumble to hang up the phone and press my face into my hands, feeling my tears slide from my eyes to the spaces between my fingers.

"Fuck you," I whisper. I sniffle and try to wipe my eyes, but the tears keep flowing down. "God, fuck you. With the whole damn world crumbling, I chose this time to fall in love with you."

I go to bed.

I do not notice that my phone was still lit up with Nick's name, and I do not notice that I had not hung up the call.

***

AUGUST 26TH

I wake the next morning feeling...better. My phone had died from not being plugged it, so I started to charge it and went to make breakfast for myself.

I checked the calendar.

August 26th.

I grinned. My birthday was in four days. Finally, I would no longer be a teenager. I didn't really have any plans, since Kayla was out visiting her mom in Colorado and Liam and Katya were gonna be busy doing God knows what.

It was fine by me, though. I would go to work, buy a cake, blow out a candle, cry in my bathtub, and go to sleep. Sounded pretty relaxing to me.

I ate breakfast, which consisted of two eggs, a bagel that I found in the back of my freezer, and a cup of coffee. Well, one cup led to two, and then suddenly I was on my sixth. It's fine, not like I needed my internal organs anyways.

I went back to my room and grabbed my phone off the charger. It was almost at 40%--good enough for me.

The first notification that I saw when I unlocked it was from Nick. I tensed, but forced myself to let it go.

He was apologizing, as he should, but as I stared at the message I felt more and more guilty. I had completely blown this out of the water. If I had given him the chance to talk--I mean, I guess I technically did, and he didn't explain himself fast enough--but maybe maybe I should've just listened.

I don't know why I was upset. It said it wasn't a prank, which meant what he'd said was true. Which means that he had some sort of feelings for me. Which meant our feelings were mutual.

I got over myself and choked down my massive ego.

Nick:
I'm really sorry
Bee
Elisa*
I'm sorry
Please don't be mad at me
We can just put it behind us
It's not a big deal
Just forget it ever happened
Please just talk to me

Me:
Call me:)

I watched as my text turned from delivered to read. It took a few minutes, but suddenly Nick's sleeping face that I'd captured from some past facetime filled my screen. I accepted the call and held my phone to my ear.

"Hey," He said. He sounded like he hadn't slept, or at least slept very poorly.

"Hi,"

"Look--I'm sorry, I--"

"Don't be sorry. Let's just talk." I smiled and picked at my fingernails. "Nothing you say is going to stop me from feeling upset over everything. But we can put it past us."

"...You think so?"

"We've done it before, we can do it again. Let's just talk like real people do."

"Is that a fucking Hozier reference?" Nick snorted on the other end.

"Of course it is."

I paced around the house, listening to Nick talk about the game he'd won, or how he beat his sister at chess, or how his mom had made him help his dad fix the car even though he had no experience with cars. As he spoke, I slowly started to forget why I was mad with him in the first place.