𝐀𝐎𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒/𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐒

Glow Stick | Jean x (Depressed) Reader

Jean did notice, no matter how much he tried. He noticed you at practice too where, like on the day you fought, you'd hurt yourself and drive your body to the brink of collapse before taking a ten minute break and starting again. The group had a big test tomorrow, one that would decided who was and wasn't good enough to stay. He wanted to help but every time he thought about it he stilled and remembered your words. Stop caring then your voice echoed inside his head. Right. I don't care.

A long pause took place in his mind before he continued his train of thought. Except that I do. And it's killing me. I have to fix this. Maybe at dinner. I'll bring her something and talk to her. It'll work. It's has to because if it doesn't... No! It will. I won't leave until she's forgiven me and we've talked it out. Jean nodded, affirming his plan.

Later that night you stayed in your dorm as usual. You mind ran with thoughts about the upcoming test. No good. I cant pass. And I can't be sent home. I cant... I cant do anything. I'm stuck. This is why I came, to get better yet here I am failing at such simple things. Stupid. How could I ever think to going the military? They're way above me. Everyone here knows it. I know it. Jean knows it. Jean. Jean was your best friend. Was. But why? Pitty? Sympathy? Maybe it was a joke. That's the only realistic reason. And to think you were gonna ask him out... pathetic.

The words played on repeat in your head.

Stupid.
Trash.
Dumb.
Useless.
Pathetic.
Weird.
Alone.
Shameful.
Rude.
Cruel.
Fake.
Loser.

Thoughts clouded your vision and before you knew it you stood at the edge of the building, your shoes next to you and a note underneath so that it didn't fly away. Fly like you. You turned around, you back the edge, before leaning and letting go. Letting go of everything permanently. The stars are really pretty. You noted before they too faded into the blackness of the night and you fell into an eternal sleep.

Jeans POV

I smiled slightly, thanking that lady for the food, before leaving the mess hall with swiftness. Part of me was excited, not only to see and talk to Y/n after so long but to also work out our issues. I missed her. She might not know it but everyone looks up to her. She could brighten the room with her presence. Shes seen as an idol. Her bravery, determination, and stubbornness are all fawned over by others- whether she knows it or not. I passed through corridors and hallways before coming to her room. I knocked lightly and wait for an answer. When one didn't come I knocked again, this time harder and louder. Once again, silence.

"Y/n? It's me, Jean. I have dinner."

More silence.

"Listen i'm sorry can we talk?"

Once again, she didn't answer. Not even an angry remark or sly rebuttal. Strange.

"Y/n?" I asked, opening her door.

Why is her door unlocked? The darkness hindered my visit before I turned around to flick on the light. When my back was turned away from the large window on the other side of the room, a large thump sounded outside. I quickly looked back. Nothing. I flicked the light on and noticed an empty room.

No.

I dropped the tray, sprinting for the closest exit. I rushed down the hallway and out the door and quickly to where Y/ns window was. I saw a body slumped on the ground.

No. No please. Not now. I'm so close.

I turned the person over, the sight ingrained into my mind. Her beautiful face, now frozen in time, was still warm yet from her distant eyes and blood from the corner of her mouth to her chin, I knew she was already gone. I was too late.

"No! No Please not now. I didn't mean it. Y/n I need you. Come back. Please. I'll do anything. I won't beg or harass you. Please just don't leave! Come back to me Y/n! I can't... I never got to tell you how much I love you." Tears flowed freely as I clutched her body to mine, desperate to hear a sound I knew came from an organ that would never work again.

Her heart was still. The silence inside her was deafening, making my ears feel like they were bleeding. I sobbed as I continued to hold her to me, rocking slightly like I was lulling her to sleep. Even as rain started to pour and her body grew more cold and stiff by the second, I didn't let her go. I couldn't. Not yet.

Only a little while later when others noticed and took her away from me did I move. I looked up at the place she had decided to give up at. I slowly made my way there, not feeling happy or in a rush. When I finally made it to the roof I looked for signs. This roof doesn't seem particularly interesting. The only abnormality being her shoes that sat near the edge. I made my way over and picked them up, noticing the note and grabbing that too before it could get soaked or blow alway. I held it to me like I had done her only a short while ago. Her last words were in this piece of paper. One that would be insignificant if not for the explanation and answers they held. I walked back down the steps and off the roof. I made it to her room and walked through the still open door, not caring to clean up the tray and mess of food I made. It all seems like so long ago. Oh how things have changed since then despite it being only and hour ago. I sat on her bed, crying a little harder when I noticed I could smell her on the sheets.

I flicked on the light on her bedside stand, using it to look at the note. I unfolded it slowly, not only because I was scared of what I was to read but also because of my shakiness. I didn't want to rip the paper. This paper... in my head it was as important as Y/ns life, being its the only thing she left behind. I finished opening the note and started to read.

Dear, Anyone

I bet this is probably Jean but i'm not too certain so whoever's reading this, hi. I'm guessing by now you already know what happened and want answers. To sum it up for you, there's no specific reason. It was the accumulation of everything. Thoughts, emotions, actions. All of it played a role in my death. That being said, no one it's to blame. No one made me do it, it was mine, and my decision alone. I guess it seems weak, doing this, but to me it's not. I'm tired of suffering. I'm tired of myself. As I bet everyone else is too. I'll be free to do as I please when i'm gone though. Think of this as me avoiding failure although now technically I didn't pass so in the end I didn't win anyway. But that's okay. Just know that it's over. Mourn and cry- do what you need to but then move on. Acting too long is exhausting, believe me. That's all I have to say. Although if your Jean this next section is for your eyes only- if anyone else reads it- i'll be pissed.

To, Jean.

Don't be sad. It wasn't you I promise. It was no one but me. That argument we had did nothing okay? You kept me here longer than expected. I wanted to tell you some day and I guess this is my last chance so here it goes, I like you. Well I suppose like isn't the word for it. It's closer to love. So Jean, I love you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I didn't want anything to change if you didn't feel the same way so instead I tried to forget about it by being an ass, sorry about that by the way. But look at the bright side, you can spend more time on yourself and training because I swear you end up here with me cause you messed up in the field and i'll chase you with a knife for eternity. Anyway, i've been doing a lot of thinking about my life the past couple of hours and i've decided to end it on the highest note I could think of, being now. I've read things about people overcoming and prospering but it never seems to end. Although, if you think about it this is my breakthrough, i'm at rest now. They say your like a glow stick, you have crack before you can shine. I think I might've gone to far though and snapped. But that's okay, you'll shine for me right? I bet you'll be even more beautiful. I'm counting on you.

With love, Y/n

a/n- DO NOT CONSIDER SUICIDE WITHOUT TALKING TO SOMEONE PLEASE. THIS I LITERALLY FICTION DO NOT DO ANYTHING HARMFUL PLEASE. If you need/want to please reach out to me. I deal with this stuff to and taking to someone who relates is SO helpful. So PLEASE reach out.

-I thought about having an alternate ending like for the eren on except in this one y/n accepts jeans help and all- anyone interested?

also please consider following me?:)

Your gorgeous and wanted way more than you know<3