Eccedentesiast || Bang Chan

17

"She's gaining consciousness. Call Dr. Kim."

"Hello Dani, you're at the hospital right now."  A kind woman in her mid thirties smiled sweetly down at the patient who lay on the hospital bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Hello, I'm Dr. Kim." Another woman in her fifties came. She smiled and the wrinkles around her eyes seemed to tighten but her bright smile quickly covered her aging appearance. Dr. Kim moved over to check Dani's vitals and checking her overall well-being. Recording her observations on her chart, she didn't seem elated about them but she quickly finished, turning her attention to the patient.

"What... What happened?" Dani asked, her throat still scratchy and dry.

"Here you are dear, have a glass of water." The nurse helped the bed move to a sitting position for Dani then proceeded to help her drink water, taking the glass after she had consumed enough. The nurse felt pity for the girl, she was thin enough, she was underweight. Clearly, the poor girl hd not taken care of herself. The nurse frowned, at her misfortune, knowing the girl's ailment that was causing her to lose weight at an extremely fast pace.

"Thank you... So uh, what happened? Why am I here?" Dani asked, realizing now that she had just missed her other jobs and wondered what her siblings were doing. Surely, she would be fired from her job at the convenience store. That added another problem on her plate, she would have to get a new one to support her siblings at least until she finds their parents. She would also have to scrape enough change to start saving for her education again, little by little.

"Dani, you collapsed at work from over exhaustion but that's besides the point..." The doctor smiled bitterly, she was a woman in her fifties and she felt pity for the young girl who now sat in front of her. "Were you aware?" She asked vaguely, testing out the waters. She, herself, has a daughter of similar age but unlike this underweight, sick, child, her daughter was healthy, going to college fully paid by herself and her husband. Her daughter was living out her life to the fullest and so, she realized she wanted to help this girl too.

"Aware of what?" But Dani wasn't aware. She didn't know... Because how would she know when she never got herself checked up for the discomfort and pain she's having.

"How have you been for the past months?" Dr. Kim asked. "I want honest answers." She sounded stern and immediately, Dani was reminded of the very few times her mother actually acted like one... When she ate more candies than she was allowed to or the time she refused to eat vegies...

"I... Ah... Headaches..." She muttered, keeping her eyes on her hands. "I've been experiencing headaches and... I've been stumbling a lot as if I forgotten how to walk..." She whispered, the severity of her health only now registering in her mind.  "My hands keep on dropping things... I couldn't control it..."  Dani always had that fear inside of her. At the back of her mind, she knew something was severely wrong with her body. But to be able to function like a normal person, she buried that fear and decided she would pretend that everything was alright. And it was, until that headache broke her down physically.

"Sweetheart... You should have come to the hospital sooner." The doctor sat on the edge of Dani's bed and held her hand. "Do you have any family or guardians?"

"I have two, but they're kids..." Dani explained... "We have no contact with our parents." The doctor couldn't help but bite her lip. Helping the child seemed to be a difficult job...

"Alright, dear... You have a tumor... Specifically in your brain. Its malignant."

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No this wasn't real... This isn't. It can't be. I've never even gotten seriously sick in my entire life. I've always been fit and healthy. A malignant brain tumor...  "No, that must be a misdiagnosis, Doctor." I said, completely in denial because that's just simply impossible. "You should do the tests again. This is just the effect of overworking myself." I chuckled, well, forced to chuckle.

Dr. Kim and the nurse looked at each other with solemn looks on their faces. "Dani, I know it is hard to believe, dear." Dr. Kim started. "But you exhibit all symptoms and tests proved it for you. Our body doesn't lie." She explained.

"No... No... No..." I whispered, a part of me still denying it but my entirety now crumbling in exhaustion, depression and sadness. "How about my siblings..."

"There is a good news though." Dr. Kim said. "Your tumor is at stage two. We will have to do another scan, a surgery and we will run you through chemo."

But it wasn't a good news. There will be bills, there will be too much to pay and I didn't have much. I already barely managed to send my siblings to school. I had to stop my education for them... There's no room for a disease... There's no room for me to be a patient. The money I have saved up in my bank account was for my college but when my siblings came, I decided it was for them. 

I really didn't understand what I did in my past life to deserve all these now. Why must I go through so much when I didn't ask for much in the first place. Why is my karma so damn bad.... I just wanted to graduate, get a job, then get a house and live happily.... But every damn time I took a step forward for myself, I keep on sinking deeper and deeper in an ocean, I took not just a step back, but a mile back. It felt like the world decided it was my job to be unhappy.

To be honest, a malignant brain tumor didn't sound so bad now that I looked back on all the hardships I went through. This may as well be my bitter escape to finally freedom..

"Dani dear, are you listening?"

"Yeah... Doc, if that is all, can I be discharged now?" I asked... I didn't have money for treatment, heck, the few hours that I was in the hospital was already so much money. I couldn't afford another thirty minutes in this place.

"But we have to get you treated while it's still early!" Dr. Kim exclaimed. She seemed transfixed on making me get surgery. It almost sounded as if she were comiting a crime by not getting that tumor out of my brain

"I don't have the money to pay for surgery, for the chemotherapies. And even if I undergo surgery to remove as much of the cancer inside my head, how high is the possibility of a relapse?" I burst in tears. "I can't waste my time like that only for me to feel  false sense of hope and die later on. I should use the remaining time I have left to prepare the future for my siblings. Doc, hope is paralyzing. Working in the hospital, I'm sure you know that very well."

"Please don't speak as if you are dying, Dani... Its still stage two... We can talk about insurance for the bill or some financial help from organizations." Dr. Kim said, hoping it would change my mind... But I wasn't willing to... I just felt exhausted and for the first time in my life, I felt resentment to my mom, to my dad who I can't even remember... To my siblings' dad who left them to me... To my siblings who were so helpless... And to myself who's deciding to give up.

"I have no insurance, doc... Let me at least think about it then..." I whispered. "But now, I just want to lay in my bed at home.." i said.

"Alright, think about it and when you do decide to have the surgery, you know who to look for. Head of Neurology, I'm Doctor Kim." She smiled. "For now I will prescribe pain killers, some medicine for the seizures and all that..."

"Can I just ask one thing?"

The doctor nodded.

"Without any treatment, how long do you think I have left? I asked.

Her answer left me in a state of helplessness. I wish I didn't ask.

"At the speed of growth, Sweetie, you'll have a year at most.