It's Definitely Not All Mary Poppins

Try Something New (2)

Toby sighed again, frowning. "I'm sorry. It's...I know how bad you want to work."

"I'm doing nothing," he muttered, plopping the stiff leafed plant on the small kitchen windowsill, alongside two smaller plants Toby had swiped from work. Matthew returned to putting the dry goods away. "Like, at this point, I don't care if they're paying me in food scraps from the cafeteria. I need something. It's, it's my job to find something. Like you guys."

"Matt, don't say that," he insisted.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Don't compare yourself to us. We got lucky. We got really lucky. The flower nursery was hiring, and she took that internship at her firm. We're freak cases compared to...everything."

Eyes dropping to the still-packed groceries, Matthew rubbed the plastic handle between his fingers.

"Matt."

He began putting away the remaining bags.

Toby turned in his barstool towards the living room, noting the three empty bags of popcorn and the countless snack bags and wrappers scattered around the coffee table. He sighed, scratching the back of his neck, and twisted back around towards Matthew. "Okay, I know you don't like me asking, but I know this is tearing you up. Considering how much you've had your heart set on being a teacher, what if you –"

"No," Matthew snapped back.

Toby grunted. "It's not the worst option, Matt."

"It kind of is," he hissed, putting away a bottle of soy sauce.

"I'm not asking you to find something completely unrelated to education. I'm asking you to consider something adjacent to it. Tutors make good money. So do some babysitters."

"No."

"Matt, don't do this."

He turned fully to face his roommate before announcing, "I am supposed to be a teacher!"

"I didn't say you couldn't," Toby spluttered, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "But you're beating yourself up for not being able to find anything. It's fucking painful to watch, and it isn't fair to you, either."

"I am supposed to be a teacher!" Matthew screamed again. "If I'm not a teacher, what was the point of working all those years?"

"I'm not saying you can't, but if Audrey's going to keep following you around, how long are you going to go until you're at a dead-end?" Running his hand up his face over his forehead, Toby sighed. "We have this talk, like, every month, Matt, and you always shoot me down because 'you guys have jobs' and 'I'm supposed to be a teacher.' That's great, and I know you think that, but how long are you going to do this until you – you – !"

"What?"

Toby bit his lip.

"Fuck you."

"You, you were in a dark place after Audrey – "

Something in Matthew's stomach shriveled up.

" – and you weren't taking care of yourself – "

He so desperately wanted his bag of popcorn, or even his gum. "Stop it."

"Come on, Matt. Please, just consider it. I don – I don't want to see you there again. You're, just –" He gestured to the mess in the living room. "You only do this when you're being hard on yourself again. Have you been chewing the gum?"