namgi one shots

Whalien 52

credit: GalaxyAwaits

Namjoon was strong. Everyone in BTS knew this. Even if he was clumsy at times, and didn’t have the best coordination, and even if he often destroyed things, he was strong. Probably the strongest of them all. Not in the physical sense, but in the mental.

Yoongi hated to admit it, but he did look up to Namjoon in some aspects, he was sure they all did. As their leader, he had the biggest burden of them all. Even if Seokjin tried to help (lord bless his soul) and act as the mother as much as he could, take care of all of them as much as he could, Namjoon’s shoulders were always tense all the same.

Yoongi tried his best to seem available to Namjoon for a talk whenever, because he was. Yoongi was willing to listen to Namjoon ramble on and on about his troubles if that helped him relax a bit. Namjoon, thankfully, seemed to know this and would use the silent comfort when he needed it. Which was not often, because Namjoon hated admitting that something was hurting him.

He hated being weak around them. Around Yoongi. And Yoongi thought it was downright ridiculous. They had all seen each other at their lowest, had been through hell and back together to get where they were. A little weakness was healthy.

Yoongi couldn’t force Namjoon though, as much as he wanted to do so, there was nothing he would want less than to force the taller male into something (even if that something would actually be good for Namjoon’s mental and physical health). No, Yoongi definitely did not want to do that. Cornering Namjoon and forcing him into something might actually set their friendship back, and Yoongi did not want to risk that. Because the friendship he had with Namjoon meant a lot to him. More than he was willing to admit most likely.

He doesn’t ever remember being as comfortable with someone as he is with Namjoon. He doesn’t remember ever being so close with someone that he could compose his music with them in the same room, and even let them listen to it so that they could find the flaws that he oversaw.

Namjoon never said “mistake” or “flaw” when he talked about Yoongi’s music though. He just said “this could be done like this, don’t you think hyung?” or something along those lines. And maybe that made Yoongi feel a little special. Maybe it made him feel like he meant something a little bit more to Namjoon. And maybe Yoongi allowed himself to drown in that feeling.

So, when the lyrics and concept for Whalien 52 came in, Yoongi’s eyes looked to Namjoon straight away. Throughout all the time they were together, Yoongi never imagined that Namjoon felt so lonely. He knew that Namjoon felt stressed more often than not, but lonely was not something he thought to attribute to anyone in BTS. They were never alone, after all. When you live with six other guys, it’s hard to feel alone. But, as he thought more about it, he supposed that it did make sense. Feeling lonely and feeling alone were two different things after all.

Yoongi tried his best not to invade on Namjoon, he really tried his best not to push Namjoon into telling more than he was willing to. Yoongi wanted nothing more than for Namjoon to feel like he could trust Yoongi enough to tell him the thoughts that bothered him at the odd hours of the morning. But the fact was that Namjoon either didn’t trust him enough yet, or was just too prideful to tell Yoongi what was going on through his head.

Whatever the reason (and Yoongi wouldn’t allow himself to linger on the first option at all) Namjoon was holding loneliness inside himself and Yoongi didn’t know how to help.

He felt like he was the only one who could help, really. He knew Seokjin noticed (Seokjin was so much like a mother in that sense, nothing flew past him no matter how hard they tried to hide it), but Seokjin wasn’t doing anything about it (or maybe he had tried and had been rejected harshly enough for him not to wish to try again) and Namjoon still felt lonely. He doubted the others noticed, too busy with other things. They were all too busy with other things, and Yoongi’s mind was just too filled with Namjoon and his apparent loneliness that there’s wasn’t much room for anything else.

By the time Yoongi decided to finally address the problem, it was well into the comeback, they were all even more tired than usual but everyone was high on the feeling of being on stage again. Yoongi and Namjoon were in the recording studio, even if they weren’t really doing any recording at the moment (usually during comebacks, their recording studio became a sanctuary away from the screaming makne like (and Hoseok) more than anything else).

They weren’t even really talking, much, Yoongi was playing around with a track he had decided to produce for maybe a mix tape or the next album (it had a nice beat), but he was watching Namjoon from his peripheral vision. Namjoon was slouched in his seat, earphones plugged into one ear so that he could hear Yoongi if he said anything, his eyes were closed and he looked absolutely tired. It wasn’t the same kind of tired the rest of them were feeling, that much Yoongi was sure of, because Namjoon didn’t seem like he was getting high off of the stage this time.

They sat in silence for the longest time, and Namjoon actually stood up to leave, before Yoongi could finally make himself act on the feelings or worry ever since the song was pitched. Yoongi took his headphones off and stood up as well, a bit too fast and his chair almost toppled over, but that stopped Namjoon, who put on a carefree look (best one he could manage) and rose an eyebrow at Yoongi.

“I....” And suddenly Yoongi couldn’t find it within himself to say anything. He didn’t know what to say. Despite having dwelled on the topic for a while now, he still didn’t know how to help Namjoon. And it made him feel awful. Because Namjoon always knew how to help, because Seokjin always knew how to help, because Hoseok almost always knew how to help, because everyone in Bangtan was so much better at knowing how to help than he was, and he was the only one who would help.

Namjoon right now (because he was sure the younger members would tell him that he was being paranoid) and he didn’t know how to.

He didn’t know what to say, so Yoongi decided not to say anything. He took the moment in which Namjoon was confused as to what he was doing and used it to close the distance between then. It wasn’t anything special really, and it wasn’t like it should have helped as much as it did. But maybe the fact that it was Yoongi and Namjoon, and the fact that they were alone in the recording studio, and the fact that Yoongi usually didn’t do this. Whatever the reason, as soon as Yoongi sneaked his arms around Namjoon and hugged him as best as he could, Namjoon relaxed. He relaxed and wrapped his own arms around Yoongi and buried his nose in Yoongi’s hair and they just stayed like that for the longest while.

It wasn’t until minutes later (it could have very well been hours) that Namjoon finally spoke up. “Thank you hyung.” It wasn’t anything special, but it help so much meaning behind it that Yoongi let himself drown in the feeling that he did, in fact, help Namjoon. Despite his lack of words, he managed to convey his thoughts to Namjoon enough. It was enough, he hoped it was enough, because he couldn’t do much more.

(If how the smile on Namjoon’s face grew and lit up to how it was supposed to be and how Seokjin patted Yoongi’s back were any judge, it seemed that it was more than enough.)