Once Upon A Time, Jungkook

18. Exam

But I have to tell him something. I can't stay silent for any longer. Because I'm alive and I can speak. Not like Jungkook...

And right now - I'm not afraid at all about how my father will react. I'm not scared if he will be ashamed of me. I'm not scared if he turns away from me and doesn't want to talk to me any longer. Even if he will just stand up and walk out. Even if he closes the door and leaves me all alone.

I'm not afraid.

"Dad..."

The door opens. A nurse walks in and I recognise her. She came by at night and gave me a painkiller. Now she carefully takes off the bandage off of my eyebrow, looks at the stitches, then tells me to turn my head to the left and then - to the right.

Dad waits for us to finally be alone and then asks again:

"So how are you feeling?"

"Fine"

"Really?"

"I took that money"

Just as I expected - he furrows his eyebrows and continues to look at me.

"What money?"

"Money from the kitchen drawer. I took 403259¥. It was me who took them...I stole them because...well I didn't steal them but..."

Everything starts to get mixed up. It's even hard for me to believe that I'm talking about all of this now. I'm saying the words that I've been scared to say out loud for so many months. And it turns out - that they are just simple words. Nothing more - nothing less. And they sound simple, like any other words.

But after all, they are different. Those words...they make my chest and head feel more light. I start to feel as light as a feather.

"I knew about it" my father sighs.

"Knew about what?" I can't believe my own ears. I even sat up in my hospital bed, without paying any attention to the sharp pain that shoots through my whole body.

"I know that you took them. And I know why you did it. I know all of it"

"How? From who?" my mouth goes dry.

"From Jungkook" he turns his head away and looks out the window.

There's no birds there so why is he looking at that direction?

I don't understand anything.

From Jungkook? But how?

Jungkook is...But Jungkook is...

"He told me himself. Maybe a week ago. He came to me and told me that I had to have a talk with him. That everything happened just like that, and that you are innocent...I believed him. And you - didn't pass the exam"

"What exam?"

Dad just smiles sadly and turns his head away, once again.

"Jungkook was sure, more sure than anything in the world, that you will tell me everything. On your own. He didn't even let me doubt you for a slight second"

So that's how. Oh well. It's funny and embarrassing at the same time.

Jungkook trusted me too much. He thought too highly of me. I was never as brave as he thought that I was. And it was clear to dad as well.

We both were funny.

Dad was disappointed in me, he definitely was. Disappointed, angry and shocked when he heard that his own son did something so stupid.

And I'm mad. I'm even more mad that I couldn't tell him. I'm angry that I didn't have him, for a while now. I didn't have him in my life for so long now. That he doesn't understand me and he doesn't even have the slightest idea on how I'm living. That he doesn't want to know what youth is really like and how you feel when you're eighteen.

He doesn't know anything about me. We both are and are not.

So what are we?
Who are we truly?

"There's so many birds here" he silently says, after looking out the window again.

And truly - there's so many birds here. They all are flying past the hospital's window. The more brave ones - land right on the windowstill. They look at us with their heads tilted to the side.

Their little round eyes seem like they are made of plastic. There's no pain, suffering and disappoinment in them. The disappoinment I saw in my father's eyes and my lower lip starts to shake.

It's scary to think about what will happen later. But I have to get my shit together.

I have to.
I have to.
I have to.

When a loud noise scares them - all the birds fly away. They spread their wings and just fly away. And my father's hand firmly holds my shoulder.

I don't cry.

I won't cry. Don't worry, dad. My eyes travel outside, to the sky.

"Did you have girlfriend in school?"

I also ask without any reason. He's not going to answer anyways...he furrows his eyebrows and looks at me.

We have to talk about something, right?

"Yes I did" he calmly answers and smiles. "But it wasn't...the best story"

"Tell me..."

"Do you really want to know?"

I just nod, without any words.

And he starts to tell me his first love story.