Saudade (Haikyuu Fanfiction)

Stay With Me

When I close my eyes

I see those eyes

My heart kept aching

So I wanted to forget

If this is a dream, please let me wake up

Are you really my destiny?

Falling you

-Stay With me by PUNCH and Chanyeol

...

Tobio was lying on his bed, taking a little rest before getting ready for dinner. His mind was replaying what happened in the gym earlier.

They didn't mind.

They didn't mind that Tobio was rejected by his soulmates and was even mad for him. Tobio felt himself smiling, Karasuno had been different from Kitagawa. During middle school, he had to hide the fact that he was soulmates with their captain and vice-captain. He had to turn down invitations for team bonding just to avoid the two. He grew more distant, isolated from the team.

At first, he was just numb, his mind full of static and ears ringing. After what happened on that night in the gym, he went home and was not able to sleep at all. His mind kept on repeating what happened.

Then he started thinking. Was it a misunderstanding? Maybe Oikawa-san didn't mean what he said, what he did.

Then, the next day both of his soulmates started avoiding him, Oikawa-san growing more aggressive and actively isolating, ridiculing him. What used to be fun teasing turned into cruel jokes and comments.

What happened next had been the nail to the coffin. Iwaizumi-san talked to him and dealt the final blow, "I'm so sorry, Kageyma... It's just, Tooru and I... we-we're good. I-I don't think we can handle some, someone new on the bond. Could you, uh... maybe..."

He had been very clear.

I'm choosing Tooru, we don't want you.

He went home that day trying to keep the tears at bay, his vision slightly blurry. It had even been a miracle how he was able to arrive home in one piece. When he arrived, Kaito and Kazuyo-san took a look at him, and the next thing he knew he burst out in tears.

"Plea-please teach me how to put on a block!"

And he was thinking again. Is it him? Is it because it's him that's why they don't want him? Had it been another person, would they have accepted?

And then, he was angry.

Angry that he was rejected. He didn't know what he did wrong, they just suddenly turned cold and then rejected him.

Angry at his soulmates. Why is he the one to put on a block? Why couldn't they have done it? They were the ones who didn't want him, why is he even straining himself for them?

Angry with the universe. Why is he paired with them? Why did he have to get the short end of the stick?

At first, it felt good to be angry, to release some bitterness on his chest. When his soulmates graduated and he became a second year, his temper had gotten worse. Constantly screaming, barking orders. More so when his grandfather had passed; he had thrown himself to volleyball, pushing himself, trying to keep himself afloat from the emptiness constantly trying to swallow him whole.

It had been an eye-opener when he had set that ball on his last game in middle school and no one was there to spike it. And he wasn't even surprised. He had expected it, the whispers, the looks. He was benched, and the game continued. They ended up losing.