Lotus & Lilac

Chapter Seven

In the book Crime and Punishment the main character suffers great mental anguish after he commits a murder. Despite the complicated Russian names and even more complicated moral dilemmas, Cameron had always loved that book. She re-read it at least twice a year. Every time she read over Rodion's story she found something new within the lines. Never before, though, had she related so deeply to the internal torment of the main character. Until the moment she had begun shopping at the local mall with Joy on her left and Melody on her right. She suddenly felt like she understood how tortured a person could feel by trying to balance their two realities. For Cameron it was not pretending to be innocent after killing a pawnbroker while actually being the killer, but instead it was being Melody's best friend and Joy's at the same time.

She snuck a glance to the left for a quick moment and then to the right before staring at the store front a few feet away from them. The tension between her two companions was palpable even with Joy trying to pretend that it wasn't. Melody was being incredibly standoffish with a pout on her face. Being friends with Melody had always been simple for Cameron. She let her be the powerhouse of their friendship, calling shots and even picking the music for them as they drove. It was easy to let Melody fill most of their conversations with wistful daydreams, talk about their other friends, and plans for their weekends. None of that had ever bothered Cameron because that was the way it had always been. It was a very different experience being friends with Joy.

Cameron pondered that thought as they entered the clothing store and each girl headed in a different direction. Joy walked quickly to the shoe section near the back right corner of the store while Melody turned toward the swimsuit displays. Cameron sighed before walking toward a section of shirts full of pastels where she knew she would be comfortable. A too-happy pop song played over the speakers above while she skimmed the racks of shirts. It was her own fault that her friendships felt so different, Cameron decided. She felt so comfortable speaking her mind to Joy in a way that it had taken her years to become comfortable with Melody. She still didn't speak her mind to Melody all that much even now that she was comfortable with her.  It's not like I did that on purpose though Cameron thought bitterly while she moved some hangers back and forth on the metal rack.

"Can I help you find anything today?" the sales girl asked, appearing beside Cameron with a forced fake smile. Cameron shook her head before wandering to the table of graphic printed t-shirts. She wanted so badly for her two friends to get along. Though Joy had tried to talk to Melody the conversations were pretty stunted and awkward to the point where it seemed Joy had given up on conversation. Melody would only respond with one or two words, never giving real answers to any questions or expanding the conversation to other topics. It was giving Cameron a headache to see her best friend acting that way.

"Hey, Asher and Corey are actually in the mall at the next store over so I'm going to go and say hi to them, okay?" Cameron jumped at the sudden appearance of Joy beside her.

"Oh, do you want me to come with you?" she asked, placing the t-shirt she had been gripping back on the pile in front of her.

"Ah," Joy snuck a glance over her shoulder toward Melody who was still eyeing different swimsuits, "no. I think that maybe you should stay here." Joy's normal smile was tense around the edges and it didn't reach her eyes. Cameron peaked out the front store windows and saw Asher and Corey waiting. She sighed, closing her eyes and she rubbed at her temples in frustration.

"Tell them I say hi." she responded as she opened her eyes. Joy shot her a sympathetic smile before turning to leave the store. Through the front display windows Cameron could see Joy run up to Asher and him pull her into a tight hug. The next moment Melody was standing next to her, arms crossed and pout still in place.