Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Four

Chapter 6 The Hard Stop

Ruby: I'll make sure you don't die. Take your chestplate off, get any funny ideas and I let it beat you more.

Tucker: Just stop the bleeding. . . .

*At Blood Gulch*

Simmons was atop the Blue base, attempting to contact his sergeant via radio.

Simmons: Sarge, can you hear me? Sarge, come in! Sarge, do you read me, this is Simmons! Come in!

The person who picked up the transmission was the pink soldier of the Reds.

Donut: Hello? Red Army HQ, we don't stop until every Blue is dead!

Simmons: Donut, let me talk to Sarge.

Donut: For help in English, press or say one.

Simmons: One.

Donut: (Spanish) For Spanish, dial number two.

Simmons: One. ONE! What? God damn it!

Donut: For unconfirmed Dutch-Irish, press one two, as in, "also."

Simmons: Donut!

Donut: Oh, hey Simmons! What's up?

Simmons: Donut, put Sarge on!

Donut: Oh yeah. . . Sarge is really busy. Things have really picked up since you left. Uh. . . .

At Red Base. . . .

Sarge: Donut! I'm not here!

Donut: Let me see. . . Do you mind if I put you on hold?

Sarge: Just take a message.

Back with Simmons.

Simmons: Donut, stop screening my calls!

Donut: Sorry Simmons, Sarge isn't available at the moment. I tell you what, I can ask him to call you back, but it's really better if you have an appointment.

Simmons: Oh, for the love of God! I can hear him, Donut! Would you just tell him that I captured the Blue Base and. . . *whispers* I've taken possession of their tank.

Donut: Right, right. . . Simmons. . .

Sarge: Tell him we've got call waiting.

Donut: . . .Blue Base. . .

Sarge: No. No, you're going through a tunnel!

Donut: . . .Tank. . . Tank!

Simmons: Are you really writing this down?

Donut: Look, I have to go. We have a conference call with Grif in five minutes. He's pitching ideas for how to use your rations. Got to run. If anything comes up, we'll call you. And Simmons?

Simmons: What?

Donut: This job is the best! I can't believe you quit!

Simmons: . . . That's it. I'm going to kill them all.

He turned to the tank.

Simmons: Hey Sheila! Lock and load! We got somewhere to go!

*With the Blues*

Ruby: Geez, what did that thing do to you?

Tucker: Ow. . . .

Ruby: I guess that answers my question.

Tex was inside with Andy.

Tex: Alright bomb, we need to talk.

Andy: Talk about what, butch? Working on cars and picking up chicks?

Tex: Excuse me? Is that any way to talk to a lady?

Andy: A lady? Who are you kidding? I'd bed you got more balls than a Roman candle!

Tex: Ugh, I knew this was a bad idea.

Andy: Hey, Tex. Why you got black armor? You couldn't find any in flannel?

Tex: Listen jackass.

Andy: Flannel!

Tex: I put you together, I can take you apart.

Andy: Hey, what do you mean?

Tex: Bombs come with remote detonators, dumbass, and any time I want, I can just hit a button and you're just a memory. A very annoying. . . very insulting memory. . . but nonetheless. . . a memory.

Andy: I think you're bluffing.

Tex: Dike. Ok, strike two.

Andy: Alright, what do you want?

Tex: Well. . . when I built you, I used parts from an old protocol robot.

Andy: Yeah, sure. And you also used some of your more "personal" devices.

Tex: Whop! Ok! Can you use those protocol parts and translate what this Alien thing is saying?

Andy: Of course! But what's in it for me?

Tex: Let's put it this way, you don't push my buttons, and I don't push yours.

Andy: Alright, fine. But I'm not translating any of that touchy-feels crap!

Tex: Deal, come on.

She began walking.

Tex: Well, are you coming?

Andy: What am I gonna do? Roll there? Pick me up you dumb bitch!

Tex: Great. I can tell this is starting off well.

Andy: Hey Tex, I bet you haven't had your hands on a ball this big since your morning scratch! *laughs*

Tex proceeded to purposely drop him.

Andy: Hey! Aw, come on. Tex, baby. . . where you going? It's just a joke between the two of us guys. Come on! Laugh it off, big guy, laugh it off! Haha, hey Tex? When you walk away I can see where you tucked it! Haha!

Tex: Detonator.

Andy: Aw, you're no fun!