Save Me

Chapter 49

"Any feelings of suffocations, pain in the chest, breathing problems or panic attacks?"

"Yeap,"

"What symptom did you had exactly?" Her eyes follow her pain as she writes down in her notebook. She glances up when I don't offer her an answer.

"All of them," I finally reply. She cocks her head in the side like my demon used to. "Amelia, what happened?"

Her voice is so delicate and soft reminding me own mother. I wish so much she was here. And just like, tears slip my eyes and I decide to talk. I haven't discussed this with anyone and I need to let it off of my chest. I need to share this burden with someone. I can't do this alone anymore.

I started speaking leaving nothing back. I told her everything from the first time we met when he barged into my room and the way I was acting like I didn't like him, like he wasn't affecting me when I was falling for him. I said all the events about the first party and the second where we kissed for the first time. I confessed for the first time at loud what Edward did to me and her eyes nearly pop out of her head. Her hands covered her mouth not believing what the broken girl before her had gone through. I spoke about the way he saved me that night, about my confession after and the way he treated me like I was nothing. I told her about the rules he put but threw away after a few weeks. I mentioned the last party when I saw him with another girl and when I said the words; I thought that maybe that night was a message of what was coming. I narrowed the way he chased me and confessed he loved me for the very first time. She smiled and firstly I thought she grinned due to the words but then I realized I was smiling myself. And eventually, I got to the last events that happened almost one week ago. The conversation I heard of my cousins and my fight with Corbyn. I had been crying throughout my whole monologue.

"It hurts so much..." I whisper between sobs. "I have a nightmare every night. I haven't slept well since the day he slept with me. I feel this pain overwhelm me. I feel all my body ache, this constant exhaustion is following me everywhere. The other day in school, I nearly had a panic attack again. I managed to control it before it was too late though I can't help but think about the next time,"

She heard me all the way without saying a word. Her eyes seem to be blanked by emotions I can't identify. "Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" she asks softly without any trace of accusation in her tone.

"I don't know...I was happy and I didn't think you would approve. I was too deep to let him go,"

The silence stretches between us. I have begun to hate this quietness. This loneliness and stillness accompanies it every single time. It follows me wherever I go as I'm it's my shadow I can't escape from. Or maybe it's me. Maybe I bring misery and troubles whenever I go. This why everyone leaves me in the end.

"How do you feel about him now?" I gaze up at her.

"Honestly...I don't know" I stop unable to find words that can express the depth and complexity of my sentiments. "I was so in love with and he ruined every moment we ever had together. I look back and everything seems a blur of lies and fake promises. I was mad at him at the start but now this pain is all I can feel within me. I opened up to him, I trusted him, I... and everything was nothing but a lie."

She watches me carefully as if she's attempting to comprehend my situation.

"I hate myself," I murmur.
"Why is that?"

"I should have known that he is nothing but a playboy. I fell for him so recklessly, I wasn't thinking clearly,"

"That's what happens when you fall in love. Everything about that person magnifies and everything else...well they don't matter. We tend to give them all our time, affection, love and energy. That is why is brave but terrifying to fall in love. You trust the person you hardly know with your heart. And that's the most frightening emotion for us."

"I should have thought about it though. If I had I wouldn't be so heartbroken."

"Maybe or maybe not," Her tone leaves the possibility open but I know I could have saved myself from all this pain and mess. But then, I was so lost to even save myself. And that's why he did.

"I hate that I miss him," I confess the truth that was striving to get out of my soul. "I hate myself that I do. I hate that I miss every second that is spent apart."

"Amelia, don't be so hard on yourself. Back when you met him, you were vulnerable...you were in a dark place. He might have ended up hurting you and I get this fury and pain you experience though I can't forget this boy is the reason you have made this progress. He appeared out of the blue...as if...as..." he halts and glances around to find the right words and when she does, my heart stops.

"As if he fell from heaven," A gush of air escapes my lips. My angel. "And brought you back,"

"To use me," I add feeling my cheeks reddening due to the tension.

"I can understand your pain but what I want to focus is the progress you made. He showed you how to find your strength and that's exactly what we need to see. We need to find a way to help you to rise to your feet alone...without him,"

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Hello guys! I know this chapter might have been a little boring but I want to be realistic and show the pain she's experiencing. Although, I wanted to ask you if you find the story boring and uneventful in general so far. If yes, what would you like to see happening? Please comment so I can listen your thoughts and make it more interesting for all of you. I'm not judging you, any idea is welcome ;) Thank you!