Mind of a Wreck

10:50 p.m. / its been 2 years.

Where do I start? I don't even know where it's ending. It's hard to see things turn out the way they do. It's especially as hard when you saw it coming, but chose to pretend it wasn't. If you love someone let them go right? Or do you just let them go because what you had doesn't matter to you anymore? That's what I want to know.
I have so many questions. Am I not good enough for you? I've always known it but I want it to be said. Is it something that I've done? I always have had a constant worry that it was me, when it was actually you. Constant arguments about our feelings when mine were never taken into consideration and yours were never talked about. But it's a relationship, right? It's been 2 years and that's what we've come up with? I'm tired of always leaving off with a broken heart while you're doing just fine on your own. It's hard to think you're alone in this when you're still with someone, but it's the unfortunate truth.
That night you were drunk and I picked you up from hanging out with your friends and you asked me if I'm happy in this relationship? Did you think I forgot? Well at the time I thought we were fine but why'd you make me think otherwise? The morning you told me you thought things were going well between us but lately it's been different? It must of been a one sided feeling because once again, you made me FEEL otherwise.
You can love someone so much and put your entire heart into them, but as soon as one thing comes up it goes downhill. How do I explain to someone that I can't lose them? How do I explain to someone that I wouldn't be able to handle this heart break? How do I explain to someone that they're all I have? How do I explain that to someone without making them feel obligated to stay from that alone. How do I even know if this person still loves me the way I love them? I doubt that's even the case, my gut feeling it's telling me otherwise.
So what now, huh? Pretend everything's fine? Go on about my day like the one person who knows me better than I know myself possibly doesn't even want me anymore? While that one person isn't even giving me a bit of the attention I deserve. Why say "I love you" if you don't know how you're feeling in this relationship. That term has been thrown around. It's been two years now, I wish you saw how hard I'm trying.