The Way You Make Me Feel [ J.J ]

25.

"I-"

"She does a lot for you, kid. More than you know. You can't let this roadblock mess things up. But I am curious, and you don't have to answer but-"

"She thought I was cheating on her before we officially entered our trying phase and stopped talking to me."

"Oh. Fun?"

"It was not fun you dipshit." I didn't even have to say what happened for him to know what happened. "But we talked it out and we're fine now. Well, kind of fine."

"Everything sucks and I get it. But I know you two, and you're going to come out stronger than before. You couldn't control Elle and Emily showing up at El Tucan. You couldn't control Rosaline's reaction. This is not your fault."

"But why does it feel like it is?" I sighed. "Everything feels like it's my fault and I can't help but think that if we never got together this never would have happened. If I had stayed hidden that morning when Rosaline was over and just skipped class we never would be in this position."

"You don't know that. But what you do know, is how you and JJ are going to push through this. Okay? You can do this."

"I don't know if I can, Matt."

"Y/N Y/L/N don't say that. You can and you will make it through this, okay?"

"Okay."

---

I decided to pull out the bottle of Bacardi I had hidden under my bed, drinking straight out of the bottle rather than putting shots in a shot glass. I had officially scheduled my talk with Dean Strauss, and I needed to do something to get my mind off of it. Since going to JJ's was basically out of the question and I promised her I wouldn't fuck Kate again, drinking was the last option I had. I twisted off the cap and took the biggest swig I could muster, shaking my head as the familiar burn flew down my throat. I sat on my bed and swished the clear liquid around in my bottle, trying not to let myself get lost in my thoughts about everything that was going on. Which was harder than I thought it was going to be.

What I had told Matt earlier bounced around my mind again. If I hadn't come out, if I had just stayed in the bedroom, would everything be okay? Would Rosaline have freaked out like that? Would JJ and I be happy? I couldn't help but go back to the mindset that all of what was happening was because of me. If I had never gone back home with her on that night back in September none of this would have happened. JJ wouldn't be at risk of losing her job and I wouldn't be at risk of being kicked off campus for fucking my teacher. At the same time, though, I couldn't imagine my life without JJ in it. Everything in my life had changed so drastically since we met, and it was insane how I felt when I was with her. I couldn't imagine losing that feeling again. I couldn't begin to think about what would happen if JJ and I were forced apart. What would happen if I couldn't be in her arms again. I was a wreck without her, which everyone around me saw. If I couldn't get through two weeks without her, who knew what would happen if we were never allowed to see each other again?

I took another sip, screwing my eyes shut as I did my best not to react to the burn. Everything in my life was going wrong, and I couldn't stop it. My girlfriend's sister was homophic as hell and was causing the two of us stress, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. There was nothing I could do and all I was able to do was sit in my room alone and drink. All I wanted was to be in her arms right now, holding her close as she told me everything was going to be okay. But it wasn't going to be okay. Nothing about this was okay in any way, shape or form. My social life was probably being picked apart by the Board as I sat here drinking my life away. I couldn't be with the woman I loved-

I cut myself off. There was no way I was in love with JJ yet. That had to be the alcohol talking. We had only been together officially for less than a month, and hanging out for two. Well... maybe a little less than two but still. It had to be the alcohol talking. Yes, that was the only explanation. I wasn't falling for JJ. At least, not yet. A knock on my door shook me out of my thoughts and I panicked, hiding the bottle back where I had gotten it from. I looked through the peep-hole to see Aaron standing outside, and I let him in, curious as to why he was here.

"Hi?"

"Elle told me you were having a bad day. So I bought cookies."

I smiled. "Thank you, Aaron." I took the cookies from him. "They look delicious."

"I made them myself. It's Haley's recipe, but I added some of your favorite chocolate chips."

"You're too sweet." I grabbed the bottle from where I had hidden it, going back to sit on the bed. "Is that the only reason you're here?"

"Am I not allowed to comfort my friend?" He chuckled. "Elle told me you were having relationship troubles. I don't know what they are, don't worry. All she asked was for me to bring cookies." he paused. "Are you drinking vodka straight from the bottle?"

"Wouldn't you?" I raised an eyebrow as I raised the bottle back to my lips. "My life's falling apart, Aaron. And I can't stop it. I can't stop it and I hate every second of it."

"I'm really sorry. I wish there was something I could do."

"It's fine, honestly. There's not much to do except sit back and wait."

"If you need to talk, I'm here." he smiled at me, walking to the door. "No matter what happens, my door is open. Always."

"Thank you."

Aaron left and I grabbed one of the cookies, noticing they were still warm. I smiled slightly to myself as I put it in my mouth, moaning. They were really good. They were basically oatmeal raisin cookies but with chocolate chips added in. My two favorite cookies merged into one. I'd have to ask him for the recipe because they really do be hitting different. I went to take another sip of my bottle before realizing it was empty, frowning a bit. Of course I had to drink the last of my alcohol. I sighed and put the bottle down next to my trash can, continuing to munch on the cookies as I sat back down on my bed. I was doing everything in my power not to text JJ, but the alcohol in my system told me otherwise.

[8:45pm] hi bbaby bi miss you vso cumh and qi just want to be in your agrms jagain and literally fuck everything i just need to be in your arms again zyou know like yeverything sucks nright now andd i just can'gt do anihnytg right adnd i'm sorry.

I laid back down on my side, still munching on the cookies when I got a response.

[8:47pm- JJ] Are you okay?

[8:48pm] yes i'm fqine. i'm mokre tanh okay. i'm amazing. i just really really really really really mioss you a lot.

[8:49pm -JJ] Either you're crying really bad and can't see the screen or you're not sober.

[8:50pm] i am os sober. i'm cthe most sosber person in wmy empty dorm room. there ihs no alcohol in my system hawt so evegr.

[8:52pm] Elle's on her way, darling. Get some rest.

I pouted as Elle walked into my room, clearly ready to take any and all alcohol away from me. When she saw the empty bottle sitting on the floor she sighed, looking at me with a disappointed look on her face.

"You finished the bottle didn't you?"

"No."

"Y/N..."  Elle gave me her famous look.

"Yes."

She pulled me off of the bed and into the bathroom, helping me go through my nighttime routine. I definitely wasn't going to be able to do it by myself, and she knew it. She finally got me into bed and pulled the covers over me, removing the plate of cookies and setting them on my desk.

"Goodnight, Y/N."

"Mm.. goodnight."