The Way You Make Me Feel [ J.J ]

21.

The next week was spent splitting time between JJ's apartment and my dorm, having important talks about us and what we wanted to be, and trying to prevent Elle from killing JJ with her bare hands.

Her reaction to finding out we were together was quite funny, and I teased her about it quite a bit. She still didn't fully trust her, but I made sure she understood that we were being careful as we could, talking about everything to make sure we understood where the other was mentally. I was slowly getting better, which everyone noticed. My attacks had started to die down a bit, and I was starting to feel better. Mostly about JJ and I, but about myself as well. We finally had the talk about Caroline- the one we should have had long ago. I told her everything that she had done to me, and how it ruined me. She held my hand the whole time, listening to every word intently. Everything about what happened with Caroline messed with me so bad, and I wanted to make sure that it never happened again. I appreciated JJ so much for sitting through the story, hugging me tightly when it became too much to talk about. She was understanding about everything, and promised me that if she ever hurt me, she would do everything in her power to make it up to me.

In return, she told me about Will, her ex. How they met her freshman year of high school and hit it off, spending as much time as they could together. How he asked her to every single dance, every single school event- they went to anything they could, together. So when he asked her to marry her the day she turned eighteen, she was over the moon. Any girl who was madly in love would be.  She recounted everything that happened that night she drank herself to alcohol poisoning, feeling like she wanted to forget everything she had ever known for the past four years of her life. I understood exactly how she felt, and my heart clenched as she told me how she woke up in the hospital with Penelope by her side, bawling her eyes out. How she got so mad at JJ for almost dying, but got over it quickly soon as she realized what had happened. It was only when she started crying that I lost it, letting myself cry too. The way she had found out about everything was really messed up, and it broke my heart to see her crying as much as she did over it. I couldn't believe that anyone would have the guts to do that to her- she was so sweet and loving, anyone who would be lucky to have her in their life.

And then there was everything with Rosaline. Apparently, they had gotten in another fight while we were apart, which is what triggered the drinking- there were more bottles that she had hidden from me, and came clean to me during that talk. I felt absolutely horrible, knowing that she was struggling more than she let on and I couldn't do anything to help her during that time. From what she was willing to tell me, she didn't want to be associated with her at all, but she wasn't sure why. She had lost her sister, the one thing that had pushed her to be where she was today, and I could tell it was hitting her hard. I hated seeing her this upset about it, and it made me absolutely pissed off that Rosaline thought that it was okay to act like she did. I promised JJ that I wouldn't go after Rosaline, but I couldn't promise anything about Elle and or Emily. But mostly Elle. What she was saying about me, made me extremely upset.  She was basically implying that I was a no-good for anything person who was leeching off of JJ for a better grade, and made it clear she didn't support us whatsoever. It broke JJ down, and I felt horrible that she was going through that. There wasn't much I could do, because she made me promise that I wouldn't go out of my way to talk to her. Part of me wanted to, but the logical side of me was saying that I shouldn't hurt JJ more than I already had. Sure, Rosaline was going to feel my wrath eventually, but now was not that time. This time was going to be devoted to JJ and I finally being able to be happy together.

I also hung out with our little group every couple of days, thanking whatever it was above us that Kate wasn't making this awkward. I kept apologizing, but she told me she was okay with it. Love worked in weird ways, she said, and she knew that I found my person. She was proud of me for fixing my wrongs, and made it clear that she would never be mad at me for turning to her when I was going through everything.  We spent a countless amount of time going shopping for Halloween, Elle insisting that we all help her because she needed to find the perfect costume for her and Emily. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was planning on trying to go home that weekend, so I simply joked that I wasn't sure if I was going to be celebrating on campus this year. Which wasn't a whole lie, only a part of a lie. She teased me relentlessly about how JJ and I were going to be spending our holiday together, and I couldn't help but tease her back. There was no way she and Emily weren't going to be doing something by the time they got home from whatever party they were going to.