Legendary // H.S

41.

Seeing my friends only made it worse. It took all my might not confronting them as they approached me to express their apologies for the loss of a life. As if their words could ever help this situation. Granted, they're probably in the same situation Joe was, but when I confronted him he finally admitted it. Surely, after everything that has happened, they'd think it best to tell me they're trapped. That they have no choice but to make a deal with the Devil. Yet, they stand here and pretend Joe's death was just another part of the life cycle. An accident.

I've avoided them for most of the day, keeping to myself or exchanging tales with Joe's family. Anything to keep the happier memories alive and dull the flashing images of his mangled body.

His mum stands with me now, the two of us trying to keep an eye on the other. I always liked her. Faina, a beautiful woman from Africa but of Gujarati descent, just like my own mother. We would bond over stories of our families and certain traditions both she and my own mum upheld. It was always a comfort to me, having someone to talk to about those things. Things with Mum have been fraught for years, I only converse with her if I have to. In many ways, Faina felt like the maternal figure I needed.

'I think you were the first person he really loved,' she tells me after a moment of silent as we stare at the guests. They all mill about so calmly, only displaying their dismay when around either of us or other members of his family. It makes me sick, in a way, knowing that their lives will go on unchanged and we have to deal with the trauma of it.

I turn to her with a small smile on my face, wanting to make sure she's cared for during a moment like this. I'd argue the latter, knowing how unsatisfying the relationship really was, but she doesn't need to hear that. 'He told me that a few times, actually,' I answer, remembering the conversations we once had in the early days of our relationship. A happy time, before I started to doubt everything.

At this she faces me. There's so much sorrow on her face, anguish over what has happened to her eldest son. Joe has two brothers, both here and crying the whole day. Their mum has surprisingly held it together throughout. 'I know it ended between you two, but I really appreciate you being here, Atlas. We all do.'

I nod at the statement. There's nowhere else I'd rather be right now. I needed to be here as he's laid to rest, as he finally is given the chance to move on and find peace outside out the turmoil he endured. There was something so beautiful about the wake. The images that scattered the walls of his life, along with thoughtful messages from those that couldn't attend. Later this month his ashes will be scattered at the family home. A private ceremony that I've been invited to, and if all goes to plan I should be able to attend. But part of me fears facing his death again. 'Regardless of what happened, of course I'd be here.'

She takes a sip of her beverage, letting her eyes move around the room once more. A small crowd had gathered around one of the murals the family set up in the far corner. A small screen sits in the centre playing home videos of his childhood, Joe running around aimlessly as he grows into a man. When I first met him, I was so enthralled by his energy and lust for life. I suppose we got too comfortable in the relationship, that's why it went downhill.

I hear her sigh lightly beside me, before beginning to speak again. 'You know, I remember him telling me how you first met,' she starts, my own eyebrows perking up at the story. A sweet thing to reminisce on at a time like this. 'Told me he'd seen you on the train one morning, and then it was like he saw you everywhere. He'd always notice when you were around. Then one day, he finally got the courage to approach you at work. He was so happy that you spoke to him, even if it was your job,' she continues.

However innocent the story, that's not what happened. As she speaks my eyebrows drop into a furrow, eyes peering down to my feet. We first met in a bar, a night I remember so clearly. I hadn't been drinking as I'd decided to take some time off of the alcohol after some heavy nights out. Everyone around me was drunk, but I remained the watchful helper all evening, sticking only to the soft drinks and mocktails. I felt him looking at me for a while, and I was instantly attracted to him.