School.

Months Later

My life had changed a lot. It's more complicated. School is more frustrating. My family is growing farther apart, but not too far.

The point? I don't exactly like my life right now. I have the worst classmates, most annoying brothers, most complicated friendships. Abby is dating now. She's kind of forgotten about me a little bit. At lunch she chooses to sit by her boyfriend over me, and that hurts. You know your friendship is getting more intense when you don't get anything for christmas from your friend becuse she was busy getting her boyfriend something.

So tonight, February 8th of 2015, I realize just how bad of a person I truly am. How ugly, selfish, and stupid I truly am. Do I have any real friends? How much does my family actually care for me? Times like this are the hardest times, especially when you can't find the answers.

A couple days ago, Brendan was talking about cake-faces. Am I one of them? God, I must be extremely ugly. I sat there on Monday, listening to him judge those slutty-sounding girls, when I realized I am one of them.

Too much makeup? Check. Tight clothes? Check. Man-whore ex-boyfriend? Check!

"You could just see a pound of makeup on those girls' faces," he had said, and my "friends" laughed.

I felt like they were laughing right at me.

"Kayla is so hot."
"Dawson's cousin is hot."
"Cake-faces are ugly."
"Tell Isabelle she would be perfect with a cow."
"...And we were getting it on like bang."
"He's autistic, and he's stupid."
More wise words of Brendan.

When we dated, did he think I was hot at the same time as other girls? Did he categorize me as a cake-face? Was he this rude? This inappropriate? Did he make fun of other people this often?

My uncle was autistic.

Hence the word was.
-
"Anne, is everything okay?" I heard through the phone on the fourth of july.

"No, Hilary," Mom said. "Mike tried CPR... He's gone."

I came out from behind the bushes, where I was hiding, and ran towards my house. Once I got across the huge yard, I sat on the back porch steps and all I could do was cry.

Up until I woke up, midnight.

So once again, I feel like I have nobody. Uncle Joe is gone, my cousin, Joe, is gone. And my life sucks.

-😭-

"Isabelle, wake up." Dad told me.

I got up and tried to wipe away last night's tears, but, of course, they were dry. I went in the bathroom and washed my face, then got in the shower.

As I turned on the water, I realized that all those things I was thinking last night wasn't true.

"Wake up, Isabelle." Did my family actually care for me? Yes.

"Oh, Isabelle, welcome back." Did my classmates actually like me? Most of the time.

"Isabelle, I hate you. You look prettier than me." Was I ugly? No.

"Who taught you how to do your makeup? Because they did a good job." Was I a cake-face? No.

"I like you way more than I like him." Did Abby still care for me? Yes.

"I swear I will chop off his precious balls if he hurts you." "We're ball chopping buddies." Did I have true friends? Yes: Haley.

"Do I look like I really care?" "Oh that's grand." Am I gonna take people's shit when they give it to me? Hell no.

Hell no, because I'm greater than my flaws.

-😊-