Without You

New Beginnings

My car tires crunch on the leaves as I round yet another curve on the one-lane road. The window of my 10-year old Tesla, which previously served its purpose as a family car, is rolled down to leave a gap. As I drive, picking up speed after the corner, the perlious wind finds its way inside, bringing the smell of wood and melancholy.

Jackson is a small town in Mississippi. It has a population of less than one thousand eight hundred and twenty-six people to be percise. I looked it up last night. The town is known for its mountainous landscapes and seculded lakes. I'll be my home forthe next three years.

I pull up to Mississippi State University, letting out a heavy breath. It looks the same as in the pictures - a gray square building with a pitched roof. I'd resigned myself to the fact that my last-minute choice to attend university would result in a dull living situation, but now that I'm here, it doesnt look half bad.

It wasnt my decision to go to college my mom persuaded me to get out of town and start over. Easier said than done. But we both know that I will never stop blaming myself for the accident if I continued to stay at home.

I do my best to try and forget the raw and agonizing memories, but I still find myself slightly crying into my pillow every now and then. In all the years of my life there has been an onerous blur of events.

I have applied to alot of universities in advance, however, I wasnt sure if I'd be attending any of them. It wasnt until a week ago that I had finally agreed with my mom about getting out of the house and starting over.

Given that classes start Monday, I wasn't able to get a dorm on campus short notice. I also cant afford to rent a place on my own. I looked at ads on the universities Facebook page and found this place right away.

Walking up to the door, I hope this will be a much-needed fresh start. A new beginning-as lousy as that sounds.

Now that I'm in front of it, the house stretches wider and taller. I knock on the wooden olive green door. I dont take my bags out the car just in case this is the wrong house, but I'm sure it isnt.

A petite girl wearing a bright yellow sundress and cream ballet flats answers the door; I recognized her immediately as Olivia. We've been texting for a few days, and I kinda stalked her Facebook page before I even agreed to this. Im really praying this isnt some sorority house.

"You're Carlotta, right" she asks with a smile. I shudder at the sound of my full name. It's not that I dislike it - it's  that the only person who had ever called me that, is now dead. So, I guess you can say I prefer not to hear it. I sent Olivia a photo of my driver's license, and since she has never used my name over messages, I haven't been able to correct her yet.

"Calla." I force a smile, so I don't seem rude.

"Cool. Call me Liv" she says, her curls bouncing on her shoulders with every word. "Do you need help with your bags?"

"Yeah, sure. Thanks" I say. From what Liv has already mentioned about the house through text messages, I know to find my bedroom upstairs, across the hall from hers. Luckily, the room is already furnished with the basics: a bed, a desk, etc. Courtesy of the landlord. I brought my books and clothes to last me the first year.

"Zach!" Liv calls, and a blonde boy appears behind her. He's half a foot taller than her, his brown eyes sparkling brighter from the warm color of autumn encompassing us.

He plants a kiss on Liv's cheek, and she giggles. "This is my boyfriend Zach" she introduces. He beams at me. "Zach, this is our new roommate, Calla. Be nice."

He rolls his eyes at her warning. "I am always nice; who do you take me for?" He jokes. "It's nice to meet you, Calla." He extends his hand like a gentleman.