Dying inside

School day

It was about 6:15 am and I woke up from a bad dream. I had been abondoned. I had these dreams frequently and they didn't really bother me, until I started believing they were true. Today was my first day of high school and I wasn't excited. Ever since I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, things had completely changed for me. I lost all my friends, family wanted nothing to do with me and teachers treated my like shit, all because I had gone from the Saturdays to bring me the horizon and went from wearing short skirts and crop tops to skinny jeans and band merchandise shirts. I stood up half asleep and exclaimed as my burning feet touched the freezing wooden floorboards. I opened the creaky door and trembled down the steep stairs, trying my best not to wake up my mother. She probably had a hangover from the two bottles of cheap tesco wine that she had necked during the early hours of the morning. I tiptoed into the kitchen and turned on the boiler, ready for my bath. I could not eat anything. I hated my body. As soon as the water had heated up, I ran my bath and sat In the warm depths of the water. The scars on my arm appeared like red paint against a white wall. I must stop cutting myself I thought, but heard mothers footsteps and grabbed the razor quick. The footsteps approached the bathroom door and I clenched my fists together tightly and pressed my eyes together. The handle turned and i heard a frustrated sigh. "You better hurry up or you know what your gonna get, don't ya"
"Yes mum"
"What are you gonna get then!"
"A slap mother"
"She knows" mum muttered as she limped slowly down the stairs. I made only half a cut, a record for me. Usually it was about two or three. I dried my hair and got dressed in the all black uniform, packed my skull bag and shoved on my black, holey vans. I ran with pace down the stairs, being carefull not to get caught wearing skinny jeans instead of the uniform trousers.