Because I'm Stupid!

The Letter!

Dean's POV

Tears started to roll down from my eyes as I read the letter. My sister snatched the letter from my hand as I finished reading it and processing every word that was written on that letter. She started to read that letter louder.

“I don’t know why on the earth I’m writing this letter now, but I want to say it someway. So I’m doing it now. I get it Lucy likes you a lot. I get it she is trying so hard to be with you. Otherwise she would not made such obvious video to prove me that she will do anything to be with you.”

“It’s not that I don’t have interest about your life. It’s not that I don’t care about your life. It’s not that I don’t care whom you date with or it’s not that I don’t care with whom you have relationship. I was always wondering what type of girl that you like. I was always wondering whom you will date. I was always wondering what am I to you.”

“What am I to you? Just a childhood friend? Just a person who knows every details about your childhood? Just a competitor? Just someone who you want to defeat someday? Just someone that you want to say that ‘you lost’? Just someone who always stands in your way?”

“I wanted to ask many questions to you. But I thought it’s not the time. Finally the time to ask came, but... I have to leave now and you are pretty drunken to hear what I am saying. Why our time never matches Dean? Why? Am I the only one to feel it this way? Am I the only one who always liked to be with you?”

“How could you say that I’m with Chris? How could you think that I’m going out with him? Are you insane? He’s like a big brother to me since childhood. He asked me to be his sister when we are kids and I agreed to that. He’s my big brother idiot. How could I go out with anyone when I have eyes for only one man?”

“You know why I came back to London? Not for my studies... Not for my research... It’s you idiot, I came here for you. I already told you this, but I think you didn’t took it seriously. I missed you so much and I thought I could mot breath anymore if I don’t see you. That’s why I came here. Just to see your face... That stupid face of yours.”

“Why did I do that? I must be an idiot... Why on the earth I left everything behind when it was already in a serious state and ran over to see that stupid smile of yours? Because I’m stupid! Why on the earth I felt so attracted to you like the magnet that attracts the iron particles? Why did I felt so much hurt when you say that you are going to Lucy’s party? Why did it hurt so much when she said you two were dating before and she owns you? Why on the earth I felt so much of insecurity and jealousy because of Lucy’s words? Why I can’t say the word I belongs to you and you belongs to me?”

“Is it because we are friends? Childhood friends? Why I feel like I’m doing a big mistake by loving my childhood friend? Yes... I said love. I love you idiot. I love you since the day when you applied your saliva on my bleeding knee and said it’ll get healed sooner. I love you since you gave me the first kiss of mine at the age of 8 while accidentally falling on me from the swing. I love you since forever. Why couldn’t you see it?”

“I don’t know whether confessing these now is a good idea or not. Rather than living the life wondering “What if!” I’ll be confessing it now and waiting for your answer.”

“I don’t know when I’ll be coming back next time. I dropped out of the university. I’m needed in my company for the new game developing. Chris came to help me, teaching me ‘Game Programming and Game Designing’. I’m going to my company in India. +91 ***** *****. This is my contact number which I use in India. Just give me a call when you feel like replying to me. I’ll be waiting for your call.”